Some people believe that the government should spend more money to creat more art such as paintings and statues, in cities to make them a better place to live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is conceived by some that devoting more budget to ornament cities with more artistic presentation can lead to living a better life.
This
essay firmly agrees with
this
notion
due to
several advantages of art, namely enhancing social skills and bringing income. First of all, artworks are something that
humans’
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humans
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nature is inherently hardwired for. They not only are able to enrich our swamped life through various approaches,
can
Correct word choice
but can
show examples
statistically enhance some competencies including innovation, social cohesion and civic participation. Japan is a prime example in
this
regard which speaks
volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
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. It has been one of the most remarkable pioneers in promoting art in society and academic environment and
as a result
, it has become a country of innovation worldwide.
Furthermore
, what is dramatically significant to consider is
diverse
Correct article usage
the diverse
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job opportunities that will be provided for artists in order to indicate their artworks
in
Change preposition
to
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the eye public. Needless to say, making ends meet for art workers has been constantly tough;
thus
, a huge contribution will be made to them and
subsequently
to nations monetarily. Take Paris as an example which has made immeasurable revenue through demonstrating outdoor painting
exibitions
Correct your spelling
exhibitions
exhibition
during the following decade. In conclusion, the benefits of presenting more visual arts in cities have been argued. For the sake of providing quite a few positive consequences,
such
as amplifying interpersonal skills
as well as
raising
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
it is
therefore
approved.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt throughout. While you provide a clear viewpoint, focusing more on directly linking your arguments to how art can specifically improve the quality of life in cities will strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider adding more transition phrases between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples by elaborating on how specific art projects have directly improved communities or enhanced social cohesion. This will make your examples more relevant and improve the support for your main points.
general
Double-check your essay for any typographical or grammatical errors as these can slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your response.

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