Many people believe that playing games teaches us about life while others believe that children waste their time by playing games. What is your opinion?
Nowadays, many
people
know that if we play games
, games
will educate us about our real life. While
other people
know that many children
are dissipating their time
by playing games
. In my opinion, children
are wasting their time
by playing games
.
Children
are playing computer
games
which are not dissipating their time
by having fun games
. Playing games
are
getting many Correct subject-verb agreement
is
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
time
. However
, those computer
games
are teaching to
Change preposition
apply
kids
about their life
. There are many advantages Fix the agreement mistake
lives
of
playing Change preposition
to
games
. Children
's mental ability ensures and
their natural talent manifests by playing Correct word choice
that
games
. For example
, my neighbour's brother is fan
Correct article usage
a fan
computer
Change preposition
of computer
games
. His capability is very wide. Playing computer
games
is very beneficial him
. So his view about life is high level.
Many young Change preposition
to him
people
are wasting barren. In many countries, children
enter into the spirit of computer
games
. At the moment, computer
games
are extremely popular which
are dispersing quickly in many countries. Nowadays, despite Correct word choice
and
of
parent's control, Change preposition
apply
kids
are playing games
. If young people
continue this
condition, their parents nor government
will stop Correct article usage
the government
kids
. If i
were Change the capitalization
I
their
, Replace the word
there
i
do not waste my leisure Change the capitalization
I
time
for
Change preposition
on
computer
pastime
. Rarely do Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
i
want these Change the capitalization
I
children
in my country. For example
, my friend's uncle plays very much computer
games
. He graduated school
Change preposition
from school
last
year, but he did not enter to
university. The reason for Change preposition
apply
this
is playing games
. Because he did not study a lot. As a result
, he wasn't a student.
In conclusion, young people
are
not Verb problem
do
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
immersing
Wrong verb form
immersed
to
Change preposition
in
computer
games
. If i
were Change the capitalization
I
their
, Replace the word
there
i
study a lot for achieving to Change the capitalization
I
high quality
level.Add a hyphen
high-quality
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your opinion and previews the main points of the essay. The conclusion should succinctly summarize these points and reiterate your stance.
logical structure
Improve logical progression by clearly organizing your essay into paragraphs, each representing a unique point that supports your opinion.
cohesion
Use a range of conjunctions and cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
task response
Expand your response to adequately address all parts of the task, including explaining why you hold your opinion and contrasting it with the opposing viewpoint.
clarity
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and lexical phrases to articulate your ideas more clearly and effectively expand on your points.
examples
Use specific, relevant examples to support your arguments, ensuring they are directly related to the topic and effectively illustrate your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite