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Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic 8: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

#topic #students #exams #skills
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There are a number of arguments to support the idea that students should learn academic
knowledge
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 to pass exams rather than taking practical
skills
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such
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 as cooking or dressing. I partially agree with the idea.
Firstly
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, academic
leraning
Correct your spelling
learning
 is essential to be a professional occupation.
For example
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,
people
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 have to learn the
knowledge
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 and overcome difficult exams to be admitted as the expert. If
people
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 want to be lawyers, they will work hard to get the
knowledge
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 relative to law in universities.
As a result
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, they can get officially the
cetificate
Correct your spelling
certificate
 by graduating from the university and passing the exams.
Additionally
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,
while
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people
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 can get many
oppotunities
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opportunities
 to get practical
skills
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such
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 as cooking and dressing, there are limited
oppotunities
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opportunities
 to be taught academic
knowledge
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.
This
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 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
those
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
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 teach
accademic
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academic
knowledge
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are demanded
Wrong verb form
demand
show examples
Correct article usage
a heigh
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heigh
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high
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 level of
knowledge
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 and the number of
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 is not many. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 want to study academically, they need to go to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 university or the school
that
Correct word choice
where
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 they can learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
However
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, it is important to learn practical
skills
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, which is useful in society. In my experience, I had classes of cooking in my school when I was a child. At the time, I learned about not only making　cuisine
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 the risk of the accident caused by misusing fire.
This
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 is essential for everyone and
people
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 should be taught it in common in advance. In conclusion,
while
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 some
knowledge
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 relative to
the
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apply
show examples
practical
skills
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 needed, students should get academic
knowledge
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 to pass the exam and be
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 for
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 reasons. I believe students should focus on
accademic
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academic
knowledge
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 rather than practical
skills
Use synonyms
 because being taught in school leads to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their future directly.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure to address the question directly and provide a clear opinion in the introduction. Develop your argument further by adding more specific examples and clearly stating how they support your point of view.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Use a variety of linking phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, making your argument easier to follow. Additionally, try to vary sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest.
Language Proficiency
Review the essay for any spelling or grammatical errors to improve overall clarity and professionalism. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, the correct use of articles, and the spelling of key terms.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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