IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
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There is a controversial point of view that males and females have various qualities,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why specific occupations are available for each sex. The writer disagrees with the statement that there are some kinds of
jobs
 suitable for
men
, not for
women
 and vice versa because of gender equality. It should be acknowledged that
men
 and
women
 have their own abilities based on particular categories of strength, flexibility or mindset. Males often tend to choose
jobs
 that prefer strength and intelligence. Females are inclined to flexible and light
jobs
 rather than others.
People
's mindset always believe that kind of thinking.
However
, nowadays,
men
 and
women
 can take part in every
job
 they are interested in and good at. By learning in fair and educated schools,
men
 and
women
 can learn from each other so there are some boys who are very gentle and resilient, and some girls who are very dynamic and clever.
For instance
, in the past,
people
 defaulted
men
 were more suitable than
women
 for being professionals because they were smarter. But in
this
 21st decade, a few professionals
such
 as doctors, scientists or researchers are females. Another example is a yoga teacher. We usually see them as a
women
's
job
 but in
this
 up-to-date era, those
jobs
 are
also
 popular for males. Those against
women
 and
men
 are equal at work. They argue that individuals have the autonomy to decide whether or not to be accordant at every
job
 for every sex and that would lead to a lack of degree balance.
This
 point has credibility, but the globe is developing and updating day by day so
men
 and
women
 can have the advantages of different
jobs
 belonging to each ability.
Hence
, sometimes
men
 and
women
 can discuss various aspects of each person, who knows if they can create some big inventions which help the country and
also
 the world. In conclusion, we are all
people
 and each
job
 has its own demand. Those who are talented at any
job
 will apply for it, whether they are male or female. If
people
 are at low levels, there will be
jobs
 for them and
also
 the same with others at high standards.
Therefore
, it would be wrong to think that they cannot do each other's
job
.

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Task Response
Ensure you fully answer all parts of the question. Clearly state your opinion and address both sides of the argument where necessary.
Task Response
For a higher score, work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your essay structure to improve flow and clarity. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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