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Band 7

In spite of advances made in agricultural, many people around the world still go hungry. what is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #people #world #case
In
this
 era,
although
 farming has increased in all around the
world
, there are some communities which are still hungry in the
world
. It appears some reasons like lack enough
money
 and economic policy the
government
 and inhabitants by collaborating with each other can solve
this
 problem. On the one hand,
money
 and political issues have influenced
people
’s life which the main case of being hunger. First of all,
money
 and policy speak first in all around the
world
, so communities should have
money
 to buy food for themselves.
For example
, Iran’s population contributes 1/100 as large as the number of all
people
 on the earth.
Although
 it has a good system of agriculture, there are almost 60 million poor
people
 in the whole country
due to
 the high inflation rate and interest rate which are on the moon. So,
people
 can not purchase the ingredients and food for them selves or their families. On the other, Iran faces a lack of job vacancies for young folk because managers do not have enough
money
 to pay workers and pay
money
 for ingredients with high prices
due to
 the high inflation rate which leads the community to be still poor.
However
, there are a wide variety of ways that by collaboration between the
government
 and residents,
this
 problem will be solved.
Firstly
, the
government
 should increase more export than import to make more
money
 and reconstruct economy’s pattern. Followed by investing
money
 in businesses and the youngster as new force workers.
As a result
, job opportunities are grown, and
people
 have work and salary to pay their expenditure.
Also
, we do not have managing
money
 courses as mandatory subject in schools and universities ,
while
 it is the most important knowledge for human for survival in these days.
Moreover
, if
people
 are familiar with managing
money
, nobody in the
world
 will be still hungry because of knowing how to handle and spend
money
. In conclusion, hunger and poverty are a controversial issue in the
world
,
whereas
 many countries do not have a health economy. I wish the
government
 would make a close-knit relationship with
people
 to solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by dayansabet on

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introduction
Ensure your introduction provides a clear overview of the topics you will discuss. Mention both the causes of the problem and the solutions you propose.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more varied and clear linking phrases. For instance, transitions like 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'by contrast', could enhance cohesion.
supported main points
Develop your main points by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on how these examples support your arguments. Specific, real-world instances will strengthen your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
When presenting solutions, ensure you fully explore the implications of these solutions. How exactly would they address the causes of hunger you've identified? Expanding on this will improve task achievement.
task achievement
Work on paraphrasing the essay prompt more effectively in your introduction. This not only shows a good command of language but also ensures you fully understand the task at hand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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