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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Malnutrition is still a significant problem in many developing countries. What are the causes of malnutrition, and how can this problem be addressed?

Malnutrition, defined as the deficient or excessive intake of nutrients, is emerging as a significant problem in many developing countries. It is the root cause of many medical conditions,
such
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 as marasmus and kwashiorkor, mostly common among infants and adolescents.
This
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 essay will shed light on the possible reasons and solutions to
this
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 condition. ​
Firstly
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, one of the primary contributors to malnutrition is poverty. Certainly, low-income families lack access to safe drinking water and hygienic food.
This
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 leads to malnourishment, which in turn gives rise to life-threatening complications like anorexia nervosa and bulimia.
For instance
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, a study carried out with a sample size from slum areas revealed that approximately 75% of the population was severely underweight
due to
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 financial constraints,
thus
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 supporting the aforementioned aspect.
Moreover
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, to overcome
this
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 challenge, it is highly important for the government to financially support and uplift poor people who are suffering from hunger and starvation.
Secondly
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, another dominant aetiology surrounding the issue of undernourishment is overpopulation.
This
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 topic has sparked debate over centuries, as it increases the prevalence of undernutrition at an alarming rate.
For example
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, there is sufficient evidence provided in an article published by a dietitian, stating that around one-third of the world is experiencing famine resulting from population overgrowth.
Furthermore
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, to alleviate
this
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 conundrum, legal authorities should adopt incentives like spreading awareness and educating society about family planning.
Additionally
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, complementing
this
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 approach, numerous campaigns and seminars should be arranged in order to guide people regarding planned parenthood. Conclusively, malnutrition becomes the reason for many life-threatening diseases and should
therefore
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 be prevented by consuming an adequate diet.
Lastly
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, preventive measures by the administration are imperative to mitigate the detrimental consequences of
this
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 condition.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your points, especially regarding the impact of malnutrition in various regions or communities. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph. This will improve the clarity and direction of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a distinct cause, and a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas.
task achievement
The identification of poverty and overpopulation as key causes of malnutrition shows an understanding of the complex nature of this issue and contributes to a comprehensive discussion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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