In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping malls or centres to do their shopping. Does this have a positive or a negative development?

In the current decade,
malls
and large shopping centers have gotten more popular and the sell of small shops in local areas has dropped. Unfortunatelly,
this
phenomenon has many negative effects in the society and especially finance. It has widened the gap between the rich and the poor and it has caused the prices of products grow exponentially.
Firstly
, the drop in the small shops' sell results in unbalance in society's finance. As the customers of local
stores
reduce, the profit of these markets drops as well. So, they become poor and they can not afford to buy or rent a room in large shopping
malls
to come back to market.
As a result
, they face poverty and can not continue to provide products to run their errands.
Therefore
, they become poorer and the rich
stores
in
malls
become richer.
Secondly
, purchasing only from
malls
may cause the prices go higher. When people do not tend to buy from small
stores
and cause them to go bankrupt, there will be only fancy large shopping buildings left to purchase from.
Hence
, they can alter the price of products in every way they want and there will be no alternatives to these
stores
since the local ones had been closed
due to
the lack of customers.
As a result
, the power of purchase among people will decrease and the poverty will rocket.
Overall
, it is not a good matter that local shops had been closed and the
malls
are in charge of people's needs. It has led the soceity in a way that poeple with less wealth are being poorer and the ones with more financial power are getting more powerfull.
Also
, it has caused growth in prices of goods. It is recommended that governments provide some facilities to help local markets imporove their advertisements and compete with
malls
.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic, but the depth and development of your arguments need improvement. Incorporate more detailed examples and explanations to solidify your points.
coherence cohesion
You've made an effort to structure your essay logically. However, the flow between your ideas could be improved. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and make sure your paragraphs are well differentiated and each focuses on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Including an evident introduction and conclusion is crucial. Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the essay's direction, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments without introducing new ideas. Consider strengthening these parts for a more cohesive essay.
task achievement
Your examples and arguments are relevant but lack specificity and vividness. To enhance the persuasiveness of your essay, provide more specific, real-world examples and elaborate on how they support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • local shops
  • shopping malls
  • small businesses
  • community identity
  • economic impact
  • convenience
  • variety
  • shift towards
  • sustainable business models
What to do next:
Look at other essays: