IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world, the majority of food and drink producers have added excessive amounts of sugar to their
products
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, leading to serious diseases
such
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 as diabetes, heart disease and dental issues. In
this
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 case, some have argued that the cost of these
products
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 ought to increase to prevent
people
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 from consuming them. I believe that
this
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 view can reduce the
consumption
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 of sugary foods.
Nonetheless
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, it has a short-term effect,
consequently
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,
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apply
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 requiring strategic planning to encourage long-term reduction in
consumption
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.
To begin
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, making
products
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 more expensive is a direct way to decrease the
consumption
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 of sugary
products
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, since price plays a crucial role in determining the demand for any product. To be more precise, if a product has a high price,
people
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's tendency to purchase it will decline.
In addition
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, it can reduce
consumption
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 among low-income individuals who already consume moderately. A salient example can be seen in Iran,
the
Rephrase
where the
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 government increased fuel prices to reduce
consumption
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, encouraging
people
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 to manage their
consumption
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 more responsibly.
Hence
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, price can act as an effective deterrent, preventing the overuse of any product in the short term.
Furthermore
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, long-term measures can enhance public health by reducing the
consumption
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 of sugary
products
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 in more sustainable ways. One approach is for healthcare authorities to design programs that educate
people
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 about the dangers of excessive intake of nutrients
such
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 as sugar, fats, and even vitamins. As an example, The Dr. Oz Show in the United States informs viewers about various aspects of health and explains the harmful effects of overconsuming certain nutrients.
Thus
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, media programs can contribute to reducing serious illnesses caused by excessive
consumption
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 of certain nutrients.
To sum up
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,
although
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 increasing prices is a simple way to reduce
consumption
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, I believe that it has a short-term effect.
Moreover
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, it threatens companies’ economic stability by decreasing demand for their
products
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.
Therefore
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, long-term strategies should be adopted to motivate individuals to consume
such
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products
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 in moderation.

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task response
Be clear on your view at the start and keep it to the end.
content
Give strong proof for your ideas; use facts that fit the topic.
coherence
Use clear signs to move from one idea to the next.
lexis
Use simple and common words.
content
Choose examples that fit the topic and can be seen as real.
structure
Good plan with intro, two body parts and a close.
content
Your view is stated in a simple and clear way.
coherence
Some linking words help the flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar
  • price
  • rise
  • cost
  • expensive
  • cheap
  • tax
  • policy
  • government
  • health
  • drink
  • food
  • product
  • company
  • shop
  • store
  • sale
  • buy
  • eat
  • people
  • child
  • family
  • income
  • poor
  • rich
  • effect
  • reduce
  • lower
  • change
  • habit
  • education
  • label
  • warning
  • evidence
  • study
  • plan
  • program
  • revenue
  • fund
  • support
  • switch
  • alternative
  • criteria
  • growth
  • monitor
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