Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.
we care too much about famous people making money, we might forget about the important job leaders have in keeping our countries running smoothly. Too much focus on famous people might make us think that being famous is more important than being a good leader.
In conclusion, whether it’s a good or bad thing depends on how you look at it. It’s important to think about what we value more – entertainment or good leadership. Maybe we need to find a balance so that both can be important in our lives.
Submitted by ayeshaf1339 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay is incomplete, covering only a part of the required response. Make sure to introduce the topic and fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion on the reasons behind celebrities earning more than politicians, and your view on whether it's positive or negative.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is unclear. An essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part plays a critical role in presenting your argument coherently. Start with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, follow with body paragraphs that each tackle a specific point with examples, and conclude with a summary of your discussion or opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your essay's logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supportive sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic and make sure your argument builds logically from the introduction to the conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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