we care too much about famous people making money, we might forget about the important job leaders have in keeping our countries running smoothly. Too much focus on famous people might make us think that being famous is more important than being a good leader.
In conclusion, whether it’s a good or bad thing depends on how you look at it. It’s important to think about what we value more – entertainment or good leadership. Maybe we need to find a balance so that both can be important in our lives.
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Task Achievement
Your essay is incomplete, covering only a part of the required response. Make sure to introduce the topic and fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion on the reasons behind celebrities earning more than politicians, and your view on whether it's positive or negative.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is unclear. An essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part plays a critical role in presenting your argument coherently. Start with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, follow with body paragraphs that each tackle a specific point with examples, and conclude with a summary of your discussion or opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your essay's logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supportive sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic and make sure your argument builds logically from the introduction to the conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Issues surrounding long-distance relationships are a frequent topic of discussion in contemporary society. It is increasingly common for individuals to opt for living close to their parents while studying rather than staying out of their hometown. While this trend offers certain advantages, I contend that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. This essay will provide further explanations and examples to support my viewpoint.
I am writing to express my deep concern regarding the termination of your service or in other words closing the only sport and leisure centre in this area of the town.
It is often thought that employees who are older than 55 have more work experience, but at the same time, there are many things we should consider about recruiting the new generations. In this case, I prefer to agree on encouraging workers who are older than 55 to retire, mainly because changes will be needed to grow the company, especially when they have more potential and more time to explore ways to make profits.
A lot of nations have made it mandatory for males to join military forces after secondary education. It is ought to be an excellent opportunity for all nations around the world to incorporate this law for males, as well as females. I agree with this viewpoint, because it would help in the holistic development of young adults and infuse a feeling of patriotism for one's nation.
There are individuals who have a preference for working at a large company, whereas others prefer to work for a smaller-scale organization. In the following paragraphs, both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.