we care too much about famous people making money, we might forget about the important job leaders have in keeping our countries running smoothly. Too much focus on famous people might make us think that being famous is more important than being a good leader.
In conclusion, whether it’s a good or bad thing depends on how you look at it. It’s important to think about what we value more – entertainment or good leadership. Maybe we need to find a balance so that both can be important in our lives.
ayeshaf1339
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Task Achievement
Your essay is incomplete, covering only a part of the required response. Make sure to introduce the topic and fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion on the reasons behind celebrities earning more than politicians, and your view on whether it's positive or negative.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is unclear. An essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part plays a critical role in presenting your argument coherently. Start with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, follow with body paragraphs that each tackle a specific point with examples, and conclude with a summary of your discussion or opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your essay's logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supportive sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic and make sure your argument builds logically from the introduction to the conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Economic development has been a major focus for many countries in recent years, with the goal of improving the lives of their citizens. While economic growth can bring numerous benefits, it is important to consider both the positive and negative consequences.
The living lifestyle of today’s generation has altered due to the rise of competition in further education after finishing school as they initiate spending their life own or staying with their age groups leaving their parents behind. I believe separation promotes independence, self-reliance as well as personal development and I discuss this in the upcoming paragraphs.
Truancy is a huge problem and threat for both parents and teachers. There could be many reasons why students like this action. However, they might do this because they don't like the lessons or teachers or have an exact and reasonable cause.
In the current era, more and more people believe that behaviour influences children. Others assume that young people spend on TV which affects kids. In the following essay, we will explore both viewpoints, and I will mention my perspective.
A controversial issue today relates to whether advertisements have a great impact on our purchase decision or they are becoming so familiar that we rarely notice them. This essay will discuss both sides of this argument and then I will give my own perspectives.