we care too much about famous people making money, we might forget about the important job leaders have in keeping our countries running smoothly. Too much focus on famous people might make us think that being famous is more important than being a good leader.
In conclusion, whether it’s a good or bad thing depends on how you look at it. It’s important to think about what we value more – entertainment or good leadership. Maybe we need to find a balance so that both can be important in our lives.
ayeshaf1339
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Task Achievement
Your essay is incomplete, covering only a part of the required response. Make sure to introduce the topic and fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion on the reasons behind celebrities earning more than politicians, and your view on whether it's positive or negative.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is unclear. An essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part plays a critical role in presenting your argument coherently. Start with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, follow with body paragraphs that each tackle a specific point with examples, and conclude with a summary of your discussion or opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your essay's logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supportive sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic and make sure your argument builds logically from the introduction to the conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
It is irrefutable that advanced technology not only changes the living style of the dwellers but also has a deep impact on their family relations. Every member of the house has their own electronic gadgets which create a difference in their communication. As far as I am concerned I completely agree with the statement that there is a decline in family bonding due to the greater utilization of digital devices.
It is broadly believed that some villains tend to commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. One of the reasons is the lack of rehabilitation and difficulty finding employment after being released. There is a statistic to tackle this problem and those will be elaborated on in the following essay.
According to some folks, working for three to four days per week has more benefits compared to stretching for five to six days. This is because it gives more time to spend with their families and hence, can able to meet their ideal work-life goal. In the following sections, I will explain in detail why they feel so, based on my own personal knowledge.
Demand for houses has increased over the past few decades. Some people believe, that living in an apartment has many benefits, However, I think, Housing advantages outweigh the disadvantages in terms of owning land.
My name is George and I have been your neighbour since last week, I have just moved in next to your house. My address is Private Drive number 4. I am writing this letter to bring your attention to the unpleasant situation that happened today.