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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effect will this have on society?

#criminals #crimes #prison #effect #society
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It is widely argued that many
offenders
 would become engaged to re-offend after releasing back to
the
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apply
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society
. Personally, I believe that holding the prisoners in captivity should not be considered as the rehabilitation process and that’s why, most of them are feasible to recommit
crimes
 as soon as getting back to the
society
. In the following essay, I will state my reasons and the significant impacts on
the
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society
.
To begin
 with, criminals had to rub shoulders with other
offenders
while
 they were in prison. They had enough time to teach each other a wide range of committing
crimes
.
For instance
, many addictive products,
such
 as tobacco can be produced
at
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in
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the
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residential areas by the public. These producers can be arrested and sent to
the
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prison by the police.
Therefore
, they can teach other inmates how to create tobacco or other addictive products.
In addition
, many criminals strive to find a job or have a source of income
while
 they
release
Wrong verb form
are released
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 back
to
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into
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the
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society
.
However
, checking the candidate’s criminal record is one of the most significant
priority
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priorities
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 to get a nine-to-five job in each
society
.
This
 often leads to
commit
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committing
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crimes
 again
due to
 various failures from
the
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society
. Reoffending and committing the
crimes
 as soon as
releasing
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
 back to the
society
 could have dramatic impacts on the
society
. One major effect is that many criminals
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 try to be
the
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responsible citizens as they fail to find a prosperous job.
In other words
, some of them will remain as law-abiding citizens who encourage susceptible individuals to be bonded with. All things considered, being in contact with inmates at the prison and
failure
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failing
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 to pass the criminal record would make the previous
offenders
to
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commit
crimes
 again
due to
 providing a source of income. That’s why, the previous
offenders
 would not make an attempt to be
a
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productive
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
the
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society
 which could be impacted negatively.
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Avoid introducing new ideas without adequate explanation.
coherence cohesion
Work on incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include a more detailed conclusion summarizing the main points discussed and your opinion, to strengthen the overall response.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will add depth to your essay and make your points more convincing.
general
Try to diversify sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the complexity of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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