in many countries today, if people want to find works, they have to move away from their friends and families. do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many lands nowadays, people have to go far from their
parents
Use synonyms
and relationships to have better job opportunities. I think the benefits of
this
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development totally outweigh the disadvantages. In
this
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essay, I will prove my point of view.
Firstly
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, we can develop skills. By living alone, we will be more independent.
Therefore
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, time managing skills and
Use synonyms
money managing
Add a hyphen
money-managing
show examples
skills will
be grown
Wrong verb form
grow
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. We have to divide enough time for daily work, relaxing and working by ourselves. We
also
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know about using
money
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wisely. Living far away from
home
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means we need to be independent in finance. For some people, they move far from
home
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to get a job which has a higher salary. They must earn
money
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to keep living themselves and support their family.
Hence
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, we should learn to spend
money
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on our daily lives and
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
our parents
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live.
In addition
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, we can develop social experiences. We come to new friends so we get familiar with new friends, colleagues and neighbors. We will solve all things
such
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as homesickness, illness or conflict at work without our parent's advice. By coping with challenges, we will gain new experiences.
Secondly
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, working at far distances helps us know family values. sometimes, we neglect our family daily when we live with our family together. Our
parents
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always take care of us from meals to even our careers.
For example
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, when we are sick, our
parents
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will promptly be there to take care of us.
However
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, living far from
home
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,
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apply
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means our
parents
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caring can not be as prompt as it used to be.
therefore
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, we have to face challenges
lonely
Correct your spelling
alone
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. Only when getting into trouble, we will understand the family importance. In conclusion, moving far away from
home
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to find works bring us lots of advantages. We will become mature people with independence.
Moreover
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, we can know the family values to appreciate
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide clear examples to support your points. Adding specific instances or data can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
To enhance task response, try expanding your discussion by considering opposing viewpoints or potential disadvantages more thoroughly. This broadened perspective can enrich your essay's depth and complexity.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Using a variety of linking words can help in connecting ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay for any grammatical errors or typos. Polishing your grammar and vocabulary usage can significantly improve the overall quality of your writing.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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