in many countries today, if people want to find works, they have to move away from their friends and families. do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #works #move #friends #families #development

In many lands nowadays, people have to go far from their

parents

and relationships to have better job opportunities. I think the benefits of

this

development totally outweigh the disadvantages. In

this

essay, I will prove my point of view.

Firstly

, we can develop skills. By living alone, we will be more independent.

Therefore

, time managing skills and

money managing

Add a hyphen

money-managing

show examples

skills will

be grown

Wrong verb form

grow

show examples

. We have to divide enough time for daily work, relaxing and working by ourselves. We

also

know about using

money

wisely. Living far away from

home

means we need to be independent in finance. For some people, they move far from

home

to get a job which has a higher salary. They must earn

money

to keep living themselves and support their family.

Hence

, we should learn to spend

money

on our daily lives and

helping

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

parents

Correct pronoun usage

our parents

show examples

live.

In addition

, we can develop social experiences. We come to new friends so we get familiar with new friends, colleagues and neighbors. We will solve all things

such

as homesickness, illness or conflict at work without our parent's advice. By coping with challenges, we will gain new experiences.

Secondly

, working at far distances helps us know family values. sometimes, we neglect our family daily when we live with our family together. Our

parents

always take care of us from meals to even our careers.

For example

, when we are sick, our

parents

will promptly be there to take care of us.

However

, living far from

home

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

means our

parents

caring can not be as prompt as it used to be.

therefore

, we have to face challenges

lonely

Correct your spelling

alone

show examples

. Only when getting into trouble, we will understand the family importance. In conclusion, moving far away from

home

to find works bring us lots of advantages. We will become mature people with independence.

Moreover

, we can know the family values to appreciate

Submitted by huyentrang712 on Thu Feb 29 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to provide clear examples to support your points. Adding specific instances or data can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

To enhance task response, try expanding your discussion by considering opposing viewpoints or potential disadvantages more thoroughly. This broadened perspective can enrich your essay's depth and complexity.

coherence and cohesion

For better coherence, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Using a variety of linking words can help in connecting ideas more smoothly.

coherence and cohesion

Remember to proofread your essay for any grammatical errors or typos. Polishing your grammar and vocabulary usage can significantly improve the overall quality of your writing.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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in many countries today, if people want to find works, they have to move away from their friends and families. do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e. g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

With increasing populations and ever growing urban centers, many countries are losing their natural beauty spots. What benefits are there to protecting places of natural beauty? How can this be solved?