ome people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt that
education
is essential for personal development.
While
a faction of
people
holds the notion that
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
should
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
their
university
education
, others argue that
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
social service is more crucial
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
higher
education
.
This
essay will delve into both viewpoints and explain my support for the former view with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the
people
who
advocates
Change the verb form
advocate
show examples
for full-time social service after high school argue that
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
is only for lucrative jobs.
In other words
, basic high school
education
is sufficient for
aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
knowledge and the students who enroll for higher
education
intend for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
For example
, Bill Great, founder of
Mircrosoft
Correct your spelling
Microsoft
Corporation, have
intiated
Correct your spelling
initiated
several social service projects without any
university
degree.
Besides
,
university
education
would not
available
Add a missing verb
be available
show examples
for downtrodden
people
,
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, more youngsters should be encouraged to serve society
for uplifting
Change preposition
to uplift
show examples
under-previllaged
Correct your spelling
under-privileged
masses.
Nevertheless
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
will enable scientific improvement all around the globe. In detail,
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
is essential for creating
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
for development and innovation which can improve the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
of
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
show examples
people
.
For example
, cancer treatment became affordable for common
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
the result of innovation in the medical industry.
In contrast
, in bygone days which is only affordable for
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
people
.
Moreover
,
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
is essential for professional sectors.
Professional
Fix the agreement mistake
Professionals
show examples
like engineers and doctors
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
must have
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
degree to be
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
in their
feild
Correct your spelling
field
. In conclusion,
Although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
without a
university
education
can
Rephrase
cannot
show examples
achieve
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, which is important for professional development and innovation. I believe that higher
education
is paramount.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should have a main idea that is well-developed and supported by examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to better connect your ideas across sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Always cross-check your essay for any typographical or spelling errors, as these can distract from your overall message.
task achievement
Ensure that your argument fully addresses all parts of the task, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion with clear justifications.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While generic examples can sometimes be useful, more detailed and specific examples demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Be cautious with names and facts to maintain credibility - for example, 'Bill Great' should be 'Bill Gates'. Correct and precise details enhance the strength of your arguments.

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