IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about
benefits
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the benefits
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 and
withdrawns
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drawbacks
 of the bigger amount of younger generations over elderly
ones
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. Supporters claim that it has many possible pros for the
country
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, but their opponents highlight the difficulties the government may face.
This
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 paper will attempt to examine both sides of the argument. Today, the high number of new
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generation
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generations
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 in the
country
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's population is a huge achievement. First of all, teenagers and
adolscents
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adolescents
 have more energy and skills for
the
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apply
show examples
future development. The ability to integrate new technologies
to
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into
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 every part of life is the strongest side of them, which allows to boost
the
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apply
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productivity and creativity.
Secondly
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, the set of mind
consisted
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consisting
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 of
tolerancy
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tolerance
 and empathy will help to solve
th
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the
world
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world's
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 political
crysises
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crisis
crises
 and stop current wars. At the same time,
this
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generation
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have
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has
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 many problems with
concentration
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concentrating
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 on one task and the lack of responsibility
due to
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 too
comfort
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comfortable
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 lifestyle. After dealing with them, I think younger people will change the world for the better.
Consequently
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,
old
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the old
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generation
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 cannot be neglected. Thanks to their experience and knowledge they may
giude
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guide
 younger
ones
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 through
the
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apply
show examples
life, but sometimes the
eldrely
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elderly
 people cannot follow current trends, which puts them aside.
Also
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,
due to
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 their age, the disability to work makes
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country
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the country
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 responsible for their quality of life. Many governments cannot provide
a
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apply
show examples
high
ones
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,
that is
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 why the taxes become higher and higher every year. In conclusion, of
course
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course,
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 the energy of
new
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the new
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generation
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 is
a
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apply
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fuel for the
country
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, but at the same time, the
wise
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wisdom
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 and the experience of
elderly
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the elderly
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ones
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 cannot be left behind. Every system in the world should boost the
youngers
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younger
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 and respect the elders to support
fast
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the fast
a fast
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 path of
the
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apply
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development.
Submitted by dasha.20032854 on

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task achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question asked. Your introduction should more clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed.
task achievement
Use a wide range of sentence structures and lexical resources. While your essay presents ideas, incorporating richer vocabulary and varying sentence constructions could enhance clarity and engagement.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph clearly follows from the one before. Using transitional phrases can help achieve this.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. This will not only solidify your arguments but also make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Check for typographical and grammatical errors. These can distract from the overall quality and coherence of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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