The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

In our society,
parents
are paying more attention to their kid's education. One TV documentary shows the
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
difference between
parents
spending attention, how much time, and how much money on their kid's example with Asian and European. Asian
parents
push more their kids because
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Asian society is more competitive. Their expectation from their child is more good band or good score.
As a result
of
this
effort kids gain successful
band
Fix the agreement mistake
bands
show examples
but most of them have
golden
Correct article usage
a golden
show examples
child complex.
Although
they can work hard alone, they have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
within
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. If not only
parents
but
also
teachers resolve
this
issue, it will more
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in our
future
society. In the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
they will grow up to be more lonely, selfish and cold people.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That
way in order to the
this
future
problem
,
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports
such
as basketball, football, tennis, volleyball, hockey etc.
The team
Correct article usage
Team
show examples
sports have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of advantages for kids. It is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
good opportunity not only to learn from each
other's
Change noun form
other
show examples
but
also
to get to know about responsibility and respect others. In conclusion, there is one word "Go alone, if you go fast. Go with others, if you go far". If we teach them to cooperate with children when they are in kindergarten, our
future
will be more bright. in the
future
, no crime, no pollution, no
problem
with daily life and .
Correct article usage
The best
show examples
Best
Correct article usage
The best
show examples
way to learn
Fix the infinitive
to cooperate
show examples
cooperate
Fix the infinitive
to cooperate
show examples
is
Change preposition
through team
show examples
team
Change preposition
through team
show examples
sports. I totally agree with
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
.
Submitted by ariunnyam on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce your main topic and outline your viewpoint in the introduction. Restate and summarize your argument in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This makes your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
Stay focused on the task. Make sure all parts of your essay directly address the topic and question asked.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs with transition words and phrases like 'Firstly', 'However', 'In addition', etc.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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