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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years #information #features #comparisons
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The provided pie charts compare the types of devices used to watch
television
Use synonyms
 by 18 to
25 years old
Correct your spelling
25-year-old
 respondents in Canada in the years 2009 and 2019. In 2009,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the sample used conventional TVs (34%) as their preferred device to watch
television
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the smallest proportion used tablets (5%). Fast forward to 2019,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 landscape has shifted. The Flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
 (27%) became the most popular device to watch
television
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 (4%) as the least preferable type of
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
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. In 2009, conventional TVs
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most predominant device to watch
television
Use synonyms
 at 34%, followed by laptops at 20%.
Next,
Linking Words
desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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was
Change the verb form
were
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 used by 18% and 15% of the total respondents respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, flat-screen
Use synonyms
tv
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
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 and tablets were the least used types of devices, accounting for 8% and 5% respectively. In 2019, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of flat-screen
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 to watch
television
Use synonyms
 soared to 27%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the popularity of mobile
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
usage
Use synonyms
 rose to 26%, and tablets to 19%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of laptops and desktop computers both decreased to 12% and 12% respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, there was a significant drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
usage
Use synonyms
 in conventional
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, which was used by only 4% of the sample during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Submitted by skripsinana8 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words television, tv, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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