Nowadays, tourists and scientists are allowed to travel to remote natural environments. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answers and include example from your own experience?
Recently, many tourists and
scientists
have Add a missing verb
had this
this
opportunity to travel to remote natural places. Correct determiner usage
the
However
, their adventure may have serious impacts on these sights, but they will be fruitful for
the tourism industry and also
reveal new mysteries to the world.
Visiting a distant environment is considered a luxurious trip, while
it costs a fortune. Furthermore
, lots of adventurers who are keen on experiencing new things around the world will easily pay a huge amount of money for their holiday at the South Pole or Norway. For instance
, every year many tourists from different parts of the world book a trip to just see the Aurora phenomenon. These trips are ways to enhance countries’ financial status. Because their journey requires high-tech facilities to make them comfortable and safe. As a result
, we cannot deny the harmful and negative effects of tourists in these kinds of remote places, but it seems this
trend has positive impacts on nations.
Additionally
, remote environments are full of mysteries and secrets that need to be discovered by scientists
.Therefore
, governments should allow them to visit these sites to find new treatments or gain more advanced knowledge about our planet. For example
, travelling into the deep sees makes it possible to find new species and study marine life, which can be useful in both the food and medicine industries. In this
way, experts have this
chance to collect new data and use them in many aspects. Finally
, there is no room for scientists
to influence our environment negatively, but in contrast
, their discoveries will be useful to keep humans and Mother Earth safe.
In conclusion, even if visiting remote places is a kind of damage, its positive outcomes are more than we can imagine. So, governments should persuade more visitors to travel there and lead more scientists
to discover and find new information to keep men and our planet healthy.Submitted by afrough on
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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the essay topic and your stance on it. Your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your opinion, reinforcing the argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and specific examples. While you provided examples, further elaboration would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more effectively by starting with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence if necessary. This helps in making your argument more coherent and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to smoothly transition between ideas, sentences, and paragraphs. While you have made some attempts, greater variety and precision in their use can enhance the fluency of your essay.
task achievement
To improve your score, focus on explicitly stating how each point supports your stance on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages. This helps in making a complete and convincing argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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