IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime
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Many today are of the belief that advances in technology have done more to combat, rather than aid, criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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. In my opinion,
although
 there are certain novel avenues now available to criminals related to online fraud, technology generally benefits law enforcement. Those who argue
as to
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for
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 the negative implications of technology on crime point out the increased prevalence of cybercrimes. These
crimes
 range from online fraud and fishing schemes to political
crimes
 and the selling of illicit substances. In the early stages of the internet,
such
crimes
 were common online and difficult for enforcement agencies to combat. As advances have spread, both law enforcement agencies and criminals have become more
technologically-savvy
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technologically savvy
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. A clear example of
this
 would be the occasional news article reporting on a large-scale theft of passwords that warns users to update passwords and be more wary of storing private information online.
However
, the
crimes
 mentioned above are rare and technological innovations now help prevent many
crimes
 before they even occur. The strongest instance illustrating
this
 point would be the deterrence resulting from security
cameras
 in private and public spaces. Countries and cities that emphasize the value of these
cameras
 over personal privacy concerns are significantly safer than unmonitored locations. A more specific example of
this
 would be
cameras
 that take photos of individuals speeding and send them speeding tickets through the mail or electronically.
This
 simple and effective innovation can greatly reduce traffic infractions and
as a result
 the number of accidents on a given road. In conclusion, despite the marginal downsides related to
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
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 of new technologies by a small percentage of total criminals, the deterrent effect of security
cameras
 has made the world considerably safer. There is always a balance between safety and security that must be carefully maintained.
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, consider elaborating on the negative implications of technology on crime. Providing more specific examples of cybercrimes and their impact can demonstrate a thorough understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Transition phrases between paragraphs could effectively guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and clear response to the prompt, presenting both sides of the argument before offering a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effective in framing the discussion. The conclusion succinctly wraps up the argument and reiterates the main point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
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