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Band 4.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what exten do you argee or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs #exten #argee
The public
argue
Change the verb form
argues
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 that specific careers are suitable for each gender
due to
 the
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 in their physics and mental. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
 view because of the growth of education and expansion of the
job
 market for both males and females. Nowadays,
men
 and
women
 are equally capable
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing any
job
. The
job
 market has changed considerably. There are
not any
Rephrase
no
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 specific rules for occupational compatibility regarding gender. It can easily
recognize
Wrong verb form
be recognised
show examples
 that successful politicians and businesswomen like Mr.Nguyen Thi Phuong Thao who is the CEO of Vietjet Air or Taylor Swift who is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 influencer for thousands of young people. These
women
 are showing that they can lead,
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be professional and have crucial social
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 as
men
 which is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plain proof against the belief of gender-specific career
pursuit
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pursuits
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the
advance
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advances
show examples
 in education have allowed both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 can have equal opportunities to learn and develop themselves in their own way. Some nations in
European
Correct your spelling
Europe
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 like England or Finland give
hundred
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hundreds
show examples
Change preposition
of scholarship
show examples
scholarship
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scholarships
show examples
 and chances for
women
 to acquire knowledge and access
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 as same as
men
.
Additionally
, some
men
 are growing
to
Change preposition
up to
show examples
taking
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 excellent responsibilities for household chores and childcare which is
also
a substantial evidence
Remove the article
substantial evidence
a piece of substantial evidence
a shred of substantial evidence
show examples
 to
broke
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
 down traditional
boundary
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boundaries
show examples
 for
women
. In conclusion, the disparities in the type of
job
 compatible for males or females still appear up to now. I still believe that
men
 and
women
 can work in
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 and express themselves equally.
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your examples are more detailed and directly related to the point being discussed. This helps in reinforcing your argument and making a stronger case.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider the organization of your essay more carefully. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Use a variety of linking phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
General
Increase the usage of complex sentence structures and a broader range of vocabulary to enrich your expressions. This can contribute to a more sophisticated style and potentially higher scores in both coherence and cohesion, and task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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