IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
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Each person will have different qualities, so there will be
jobs
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 that are more suitable for
men
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 and there will
also
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 be
jobs
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 that are more suitable for
women
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. Personally, I do not agree with
this
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 point of view.
This
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 essay will discuss my views with specific reasons and examples. Every individual can follow their dream
Use synonyms
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
, irrespective of gender. Nowadays in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society,
both
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men
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 and
women
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 can learn with similar education and opportunities to develop.
Moreover
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, many places rely on certification and the ability to find employees. No equality and discrimination are a barrier that limits each person’s development. Nowadays, the development of machines will reduce the advantage of
men
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’s health, and the heavy work suitable for
men
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 will disappear. And those
jobs
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 will be done by machines or robots in the near future
jobs
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 suitable for
men
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 will decrease and be
replaces
Wrong verb form
replaced
show examples
 by
jobs
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 suitable for
both
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 genders
such
Linking Words
 as programming or tour guide
jobs
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. Of course, there will be some people who will have the opposite opinion.
For example
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, in
jobs
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 that require physical strength
women
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 will not be able to keep up with
men
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, and in
jobs
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 that require care and patience,
women
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 have an advantage because most
men
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 tend to be angry.
This
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 view may be correct, but many studies now show that when
both
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 genders work together, it creates a more inclusive and diverse environment. Because
both
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 ends have different strengths and weaknesses, they can support each other to develop and improve. In conclusion, it is necessary to think differently about
men
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 and
women
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 in the workplace because individuals have the right to freedom and education to pursue their career dreams.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is logically connected with clear transitions to improve the overall flow of ideas. Consider using linking words or phrases to bridge paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, further strengthening the conclusion by summarizing key points more effectively can make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific, relevant examples. This will help illustrate your arguments more vividly and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
To achieve a greater task response score, try to address the prompt more directly by succinctly stating your opinion and ensuring that each paragraph directly supports your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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