IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore cartain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #cartain #jobs
Many individuals believe that the qualities of
men
 and
women
 have some differences,
therefore
 certain jobs are suitable for males and others for females.
This
 writer totally agrees with
this
 opinion and will show the point of view in
this
 essay. It must be observed that the
health
 conditions of
men
 and
women
 are different.
While most
Correct word choice
Most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
 are strong and
muscle
Replace the word
muscular
show examples
 so they are suitable for hard work. Take builders as an example, most of
employees
Add an article
the employees
show examples
apply
Correct pronoun usage
who apply
show examples
 and do
this
 job are
men
 because of their good
health
 conditions.
Moreover
,
men
 can bear
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hard weather and they are more active than
women
.
Due to
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, most of the outdoor works are
chosen
Verb problem
done
show examples
 by
men
. Another key reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the carefulness of
women
.
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
 are more patient than
men
 so they can do the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 like cooking and counting money.
Due to
 the
health
 is not as good as
men
’s
health
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
 decide to do indoor jobs and
this
 trend still occurring from the eighteenth century until these days. In Vietnam, the rate of
women
 choosing to work
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 much higher than working
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
.
This
 option
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only suitable for female but
also
 helps them to take care of themselves and their families.
To conclude
,
while
 there are some exceptions
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 writer believes that choosing jobs
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on gender is right. It will lead to the best qualities and results in different works.
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Introduction
Engage directly with the topic in your introduction, clearly stating your view. Consider providing a brief outline of the points you plan to discuss.
Task response
To improve task response, ensure your argument fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you've agreed with the idea that certain jobs are suitable for different genders, expanding on the reasons and thoroughly discussing potential counterarguments can strengthen your response.
Task response
Make your essay more persuasive by including a wider range of examples and evidence. Specific, relevant examples can substantiate your arguments and make them more compelling.
Coherence and cohesion
Focus on creating a logical flow of ideas. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or reasons.
Coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This can significantly enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Language
Review your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure. Varied and accurate use of language will not only improve clarity but also positively impact your score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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