IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some peoplethink that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#peoplethink #men #women #qualities #jobs
It is believed that there are certain
jobs
 which are suitable for
made
Correct your spelling
males
show examples
 and others for female because each gender
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own qualities.
This
 writer agrees with
this
 statement and will explain why in the following essay. First of all, there are some
jobs
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 suitable for
men
 because they are stronger than female. One of these
jobs
 is football player, the number of football
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 whom are male outweighs the number of female football
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
This
job
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 a strong body, the level of training is extreme and it is not suitable for
women
.
In contrast
, some
jobs
 which do not require
fits
Fix the agreement mistake
fit
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be suitable for
women
.
For example
,
Add an article
the cook
a cook
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cook
Wrong verb form
cooking
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 is
work
Correct article usage
a work
show examples
 that can be difficult to learn by a part of
men
, but most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Add an article
the women
show examples
 know how to cook and the number of
women
work
Wrong verb form
working
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as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 cook
job
such
 as
chef
Correct article usage
a chef
show examples
 is much more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, there are some
jobs
 that are suitable with
character
Add an article
the character
a character
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 of each
genders
Change to a singular noun
gender
show examples
. One of them
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 office workers, the amount of
work
 and the pressure at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 are high and it
will
Verb problem
is
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 more suitable for
men
 than
women
 because
men
 are more persistent in their mentality than
women
 and they can do
this
job
.
Otherwise
, with the carefulness of
women
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
work
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 or do housework because these
job
Change the determiner
jobs
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 require
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
careful
hand
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hands
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, so they are suitable for
women
.
To conclude
, there are some
jobs
 that are suitable for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 or
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Both genders have to choose the right
job
 to have a successful career with their abilities.
Submitted by [email protected] on

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Introduction
Develop a more nuanced introduction. Clearly state your position on the topic and preview the main points you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance your essay's structure. Use clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. Make sure there's a clear progression of ideas.
Language
Use more precise and varied vocabulary. Avoid repetition and use synonyms where possible. This enriches your essay and better demonstrates your language skills.
Task Response
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and insightful.
Argument Development
Carefully consider the implications of your viewpoint. Address potential counterarguments to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Content
Avoid making sweeping generalizations about gender abilities in jobs unless you can substantiate these claims with evidence or more nuanced argumentation.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your position. This strengthens your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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