IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
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There is an issue of whether to prioritize economic growth or other kinds of
progress
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 as the main purpose of a
country
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's development. A group of individuals presents the view that the main targets should be related to financial success, whether orders believe that there are many other attributes to be taken into account as important issues. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 justifiably argue that finance plays a significant role in one
country
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. The first point that can be raised is that a thriving
economy
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 could improve the quality of the health system, educational systems, and the quality of construction, resulting in promoting the welfare of all citizens. The contributing factor is that a sustainable
economy
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 could improve the standard of living of residence, leading to no homeless
people
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 or underprivileged individuals.
Moreover
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, a rich source of
economy
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 leads to a reduction in crime rates.
For example
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, if
people
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 have a well-paid career, they are unlikely to turn to crime.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claim that advancements in areas
such
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 as education, technology, and the environment are crucial when it comes to measuring the
progress
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 of a nation. They insist that other forms of
progress
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 should not be ignored.
Furthermore
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, financial sources should be balanced to facilitate development in these areas.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as I believe that economic development helps governments spend more money on improving infrastructure and public services, environmental sustainability, educational equality, technological advancement, and benefiting the
overall
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 well-being of their citizens.
For instance
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, in developed countries like the US, a strong financial part improves society in various aspects.
This
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 is
due to
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 the availability of resources for investing in other areas affecting
people
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's quality of life.
To conclude
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, in my view, the financial field is one of the most important to be considered by politicians as a
country
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's
progress
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. Since it can sharpen the standard of living, reduce the crime rate, and improve the healthcare system.
Moreover
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, many other fields,
such
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 as education, technology, and the environment, are directly affected by financial stability.
Hence
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, a robust
economy
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 is a key goal for a
country
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.
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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, consider further elaborating on the perspectives that prioritize areas other than economy. Adding more specific examples or case studies could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure. To enhance cohesion, you may consider using a few more linking words or phrases to better connect ideas, especially when transitioning between opposing viewpoints.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position and effectively discusses both views. The conclusion reinforces your opinion well.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are logically organized, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, ensuring smooth reading.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly stated, which lends strength to the essay structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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