Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Although
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some
people
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believe that a good choice for increasing public
health
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is doing
sports
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activities
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, some others believe doing
sports
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activities
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does not have a lot of effects and there are some other things to do. I believe
sports
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facilities can improve public
health
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because, by doing
sports
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activities
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our bodies get stronger and our morality improves better.
Sports
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activities
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can improve the human
body
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and prevent heart disease and cancer. Adrenaline is a hormone
that is
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released in the
body
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when the time humans are working out.
This
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hormone can increase our happiness in a huge range. Relaxation and stress improve through the use of
this
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hormone. Doing a workout
also
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helps
people
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to be stronger in comparison to the time
people
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do not do any
sports
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activity.
For example
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, I had weak knees and some pain in my knees, but after starting doing work out I got completely better, my
body
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has been stronger and I have a really good morale. So doing work out can improve public
health
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and has so many good effects on the
body
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.
On the other hand
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, some other
people
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believe that
sports
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facilities are not enough and some more measures are needed to improve public
health
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. Having a good diet for the
body
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's needs and sleeping in early at night can be more effective in public
health
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and has a better result. When the
body
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which the one had some
activities
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in the gym receives enough nutrients
such
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as protein and fresh vegetables can do better and be stronger.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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opinion because it is not possible for some
people
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to do so and they might need to expend more money and energy to do all of these
activities
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together. But doing some
sports
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activities
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in a day might be possible for more
people
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. In the bottom line, public
health
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can improve by the use of having more
sports
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facilities for
people
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,
however
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, to do better and get better results
people
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may need more measures to do. But doing more measures it is impossible for most of the
people
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who are busy.
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task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas within each paragraph to enhance understanding. The arguments could benefit from more organization to ensure clarity.
coherence cohesion
In the body paragraphs, clarify the connections between the points more clearly. Ensure each paragraph clearly supports the thesis stated in the introduction with logical transitions.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a well-structured introduction and conclusion, providing a clear map of the writer's stance.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to back your points, making the arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure throughout with clear main points and supported sub-points, which enhances readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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