IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative developmen

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #developmen
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 era, many rural
people
Use synonyms
 or individuals from the countryside are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 are growing significantly. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 case has several negative aspects,
however
Linking Words
, it has some positive development as well. As mentioned, moving rural individuals to
cities
Use synonyms
 has several negative developments.
Firstly
Linking Words
, since the
population
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 would rise dramatically, the groceries in supermarkets and some
city
Use synonyms
 facilities
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, public transportation and entertainment places
such
Linking Words
 as theme parks might get fully by these
people
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they will be out of use for everyone.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that rural
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving their homes, the workers in offices and public places like hospitals in rural areas will get empty and useless.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 will increase,
hence
Linking Words
, the amount of greenhouse gases
such
Linking Words
 as carbon dioxide will rise dramatically because of the more usage of cars and buses.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays the pollution in
cities
Use synonyms
 is rising markedly because of the increase in
population
Use synonyms
 especially in capital
cities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 rural
people
Use synonyms
 have suffered from the restrictions in countryside areas, they might help the
Use synonyms
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 development in several ways.
Firstly
Linking Words
, talented and worthy workers might come from those areas.
Secondly
Linking Words
, numerous verity of hard-working students will study in good schools and universities,
hence
Linking Words
, they can help the
city
Use synonyms
 to make progress in tons of ways.
Overall
Linking Words
, despite rural individuals moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 and it has several aspects of the
city
Use synonyms
, it has
also
Linking Words
 several positive aspects as well.
Submitted by amirkasrajahanmiri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Consider using more explicit linking words or phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally well articulated. Aim to make your thesis statement more concise and explicitly state whether you believe the development to be positive or negative, despite acknowledging both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion and Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or data. While you provide general examples, incorporating more precise and relevant evidence will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both the positive and negative developments in balanced detail. It's good to acknowledge complexities, but remember to clearly articulate your stance on the issue.
Task Achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas through more thorough explanation and argumentation. While you have touched upon key points, further elaboration will deepen the reader's understanding and engagement with your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: