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Band 5.5

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative developmen

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #developmen
In
this
 era, many rural
people
 or individuals from the countryside are moving to
cities
.
Hence
, the
population
 in the
cities
 are growing significantly. In my opinion,
this
 case has several negative aspects,
however
, it has some positive development as well. As mentioned, moving rural individuals to
cities
 has several negative developments.
Firstly
, since the
population
 in
cities
 would rise dramatically, the groceries in supermarkets and some
city
 facilities
such
 as hospitals, public transportation and entertainment places
such
 as theme parks might get fully by these
people
.
Hence
, they will be out of use for everyone.
Secondly
,
due to
 the fact that rural
people
 are leaving their homes, the workers in offices and public places like hospitals in rural areas will get empty and useless.
Finally
, the
population
 in
cities
 will increase,
hence
, the amount of greenhouse gases
such
 as carbon dioxide will rise dramatically because of the more usage of cars and buses.
For instance
, nowadays the pollution in
cities
 is rising markedly because of the increase in
population
 especially in capital
cities
.
However
,
although
 rural
people
 have suffered from the restrictions in countryside areas, they might help the
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 development in several ways.
Firstly
, talented and worthy workers might come from those areas.
Secondly
, numerous verity of hard-working students will study in good schools and universities,
hence
, they can help the
city
 to make progress in tons of ways.
Overall
, despite rural individuals moving to
cities
 and it has several aspects of the
city
, it has
also
 several positive aspects as well.
Submitted by amirkasrajahanmiri on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Consider using more explicit linking words or phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally well articulated. Aim to make your thesis statement more concise and explicitly state whether you believe the development to be positive or negative, despite acknowledging both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion and Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or data. While you provide general examples, incorporating more precise and relevant evidence will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both the positive and negative developments in balanced detail. It's good to acknowledge complexities, but remember to clearly articulate your stance on the issue.
Task Achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas through more thorough explanation and argumentation. While you have touched upon key points, further elaboration will deepen the reader's understanding and engagement with your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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