IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Recently, a lot of influential
people
Use synonyms
 are getting famous in many ways. Everything will come with a price, privacy is being invaded with fame. In my opinion, everyone should be given their privacy. In
this
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 essay, we discuss how media and interviewers are invading the privacy of important
people
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, or how their influential nature is the reason for the invasion of their personal lives. In the modern days, A lot of news
channels
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 are interviewing some celebrities not only in public meetings but
also
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 when they are spending quality
time
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 with their families.
For example
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,
last
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 month a celebrity, at a restaurant with his family, tried to hide from the 10 to 15 cameras trying to capture him in his new look for the upcoming film. The main reason for
this
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 may be,
due to
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 the increase in the number of
channels
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, with almost all the news being covered, and to raise the TRP of the
channels
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, covering the actors or sportspersons is the best way.
However
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, It is better to understand that they have their own private life and to stay away from it.
On the other hand
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, it is often believed that it is the cost of their popularity that keeps their free
time
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 at risk, but in my view, it is the community that should see them
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
normal
Correct article usage
the normal
show examples
 public.
For example
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, an Indian actor, when step out of his car, or when he is shopping in a mall, the crowd clicks hundreds of images.
whereas
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 in some countries society doesn't react in the same way treating popular ones as one among them,
this
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 may make them spend a lot of their leisure
time
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 in other places rather than in their place. In conclusion, Everyone should be treated the same as the common
people
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. The news
channels
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 should make some rules not to disturb the uncommon
people
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 in their busy
time
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 and only interview them in any award functions or success meets.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the topic well, discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
coherence & cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas more cohesively. Consider using words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'thus' to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. While you provided relevant examples, expanding on them can make your argument more convincing.
coherence & cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to ensure there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
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