IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that technology causes more problems for modern society than it solves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that
technology
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 is prevalent in human life in modern society. Many people believe that
technology
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 has more counterproductive issues than its advantages. I disagree with the statement because it can bring convenience to daily life as far as
support in
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 scientific research. I will elaborate on
this
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 in my essay below.
Firstly
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, the option to take advantage of machinery for any aspect is beneficial as it will complete everything faster than normal labourers.
This
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 is because machinery has built-in advanced
technology
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 for doing multifunctional tasks that are more effective than human results.
For example
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, sensor tools are applied in football, called VAR, which can show the football players’ actions for the highest corrective proportion, compared to the past, when audiences over-reliance on coaches’ conclusions, might have some inadequate matches .
As a result
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,
technology
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 should be applied to some benefits it brings.
In addition
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, the idea of investing in
technology
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 is beneficial
due to
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 how it plays an important role in supporting scientists in their research.
This
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 is
due to
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 numerous results and references that can not be done by humans, which requires machinery’s power to complete these tasks.
This
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 can be seen in the case that investigation into stars and universes will not finish if experts do not have telescopes, or biologists use microscopes for the sake of study in medicine and humanity.
Consequently
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, without the help of
technology
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, humans can not accomplish as many milestones at the present. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I maintain that
technology
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’s benefits outweigh its drawbacks. It is advisable that everyone should utilize its advantages, avoiding overdependence and indispensable fallacy.

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the full scope of the task prompt in your introduction. State your position more explicitly in the introduction to make sure the reader knows where you stand on the issue from the beginning.
task achievement
To improve your score further, try to include a wider variety of specific examples. While the examples provided are good, adding more diverse examples that cover a broader scope of technology's impact could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and flows logically from one paragraph to the next. However, creating smoother transitions between paragraphs can enhance the essay's coherence. Try using transitional phrases that more clearly connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating more complex sentences to convey your points more effectively. This can also help to improve the essay's overall readability and cohesion.
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