In some countries, only few young people go to classic music concerts or play classing music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

It is stated that in some nations, there is a small number of youngsters who attend classical opera concerts and have an interest in learning
this
genre of melody.
While
, it is beneficial that youth should be motivated to have classical
music
, their preference. In
this
essay, it is proven that what are the reasons why to motivate them. First of all, it is obvious that classical piece involves many instruments and the player must be able to play several ones at once.
Thus
, learning
this
music
type helps the young generation to have better cognitive development than those who do not. In an academic study, it is shown that those who learn and play classical
music
tend to have more concentration ability and better memory, and it is caused by multitasks at a time.
Therefore
, their brain
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
trained
accordingly
and have better cognitive function than others who do not know anything about classical tune.
In addition
to concentration and memory,
this
genre of
music
is very helpful for emotional stability as well. As classical
music
is softer and more relaxing than other types of
music
, it is usually caused to tranquillize the listener's mood and emotions.
According to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research held to prove
this
argument, classical
music
audiences had shown lower and more stable heart rates than those listening to rock
music
. In conclusion, with the consideration of the benefits to comprehension development and emotional stabilities, it is quite advisable to inspire the new generation to learn and listen to classical
music
.
Submitted by zaky987.zaky on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic sufficiently but could explore the reasons behind young people's lack of interest in classical music more deeply. Consider providing more specific reasons rather than focusing solely on the benefits of classical music.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use more varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Avoid generalizations and aim for a stronger connection between your examples and the thesis statement.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to directly address both questions posed by the prompt: Explaining why few young people are involved in classical music and arguing whether they should be encouraged to participate more.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This could include statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence that directly relate to young people's engagement (or lack thereof) with classical music.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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