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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children spend hours everydays on their smartphones.Why is this the case?Is this a positive or negative development?

Introduction In today’s generation, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become a common part of young people’s everyday lives.
While
Linking Words
 they can be useful for learning and communication, excessive use may
also
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 bring negative consequences. In my view, too much screen time is more harmful than beneficial for
children
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. Body Paragraph 1 On the one hand, mobile
phones
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 can be convenient tools for both parents and
children
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. Many parents have busy schedules, and giving a phone to their child allows them to balance work and family responsibilities. In some cases,
this
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 has a positive impact, as
children
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 can explore new technology and even use educational apps or videos to support their studies.
For example
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, when a child struggles to understand a lesson at school, they can watch online tutorials to reinforce their learning.
Therefore
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, mobile
phones
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 can serve as valuable learning resources when used responsibly. Body Paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, overusing cell
phones
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 can have serious drawbacks for
children
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’s health and development. Spending too much time on screens may harm their eyesight, reduce concentration, and increase
behavioral
Use the right word
behavioural
show examples
 problems
such
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 as irritability or lack of patience.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 who rely heavily on
phones
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 often avoid outdoor games and face-to-face interactions, which are essential for social growth.
For instance
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, many young people today prefer playing mobile games
instead
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 of engaging in sports or meeting friends, which limits their social skills and physical activity.
This
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 shows that mobile
phones
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, if not controlled, can damage both academic performance and personal development. Conclusion In conclusion,
although
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 mobile
phones
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 provide some educational and practical advantages, their excessive use is harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
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. Parents should
therefore
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 monitor and limit screen time to ensure that technology benefits
children
Use synonyms
’s learning without negatively affecting their health or social life.

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development
Add more clear ideas about why children turn to phones, such as friends, games, and easy access to fun content, to broaden the view beyond busy parents. This will help show both sides.
coherence
Use simpler links and connect words to guide the reader (for example: first, also, but, finally). This will make the flow of ideas easier to follow.
data
Give a few exact facts or numbers or clear examples to back up points, like a short stat or common practice, to make the claim stronger.
strength
Clear stance that excessive use is not good
structure
Well organised with a clear start and end
example
Good use of simple examples to show effects

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • phone
  • screen
  • game
  • app
  • video
  • chat
  • friend
  • talk
  • study
  • learn
  • sleep
  • health
  • eye
  • time
  • limit
  • habit
  • parent
  • teacher
  • school
  • safe
  • risk
  • information
  • idea
  • balance
  • rule
  • plan
  • control
  • digital
  • online
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