Although some people believe that children should pursue employment, others think that students should study further education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
During the second wave of the coronavirus, I faced a significant personal and academic challenge when I and my entire family contracted the virus.
While
my parents battled severe symptoms like high recurring fevers, I was spared from the worst of the virus, experiencing only mild symptoms. So, I had to shoulder the responsibility of managing household duties Linking Words
while
taking care of my parents. Linking Words
This
disrupted my academic routine, causing me to miss many online classes and shifting my focus from my studies.
The situation took a toll on my academic performance, and I failed a subject, namely Applied Thermodynamics and Heat Transfer,
for the first time in my life. Despite Linking Words
this
setback, I refused to let it define me. Linking Words
Instead
of succumbing to self-doubt and isolating myself, I took the initiative to step out of my comfort zone, by actively communicating my academic needs and goals with several faculty members. Linking Words
This
not only allowed me to pinpoint my areas for improvement but Linking Words
also
helped me to find the right mentor for my final-year project.
With the implementation of feedback received from professors and determination, I was able to make consistent progress through the remaining phase of the academic journey. My grades, which had hovered around 70% during the COVID-19 pandemic, soared to an impressive 90% by my final semester. Linking Words
This
experience taught me the power of resilience and the importance of perseverance under proper guidance. It Linking Words
also
instilled in me a deep-rooted belief in my ability to overcome obstacles and achieve my goals.
The lessons learned from Linking Words
this
challenging period have shaped my approach to life empowering me to embrace challenges and emerge stronger from every setback.Linking Words
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task achievement
The essay fails to address the prompt provided, which asked to discuss the views on whether children should work or pursue further education. To improve task achievement, ensure that your response directly addresses the question and includes a discussion of both views, along with your own opinion. Consider restructuring the essay to include an introduction that presents the topic and question, body paragraphs that discuss both perspectives, and a conclusion summarizing the discussion and stating your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential in IELTS writing to frame the discussion and summarize the main points. To enhance coherence and cohesion, your essay should have a clear structure with an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs that logically develop the discussion, and a conclusive paragraph that restates the main points and your opinion. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.