Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?
Some
parents
prefer to buy lots
of toys
for their children
. This
trend can be both fruitful,
and harmful for them. Remove the comma
apply
While
,
they are trying to present Remove the comma
apply
lots
of options to their children
, they will face addicted persons who have infinitive requests in the future.
It is undeniable that owning lots
of toys
means lots
of scenarios and activities. This
is one of the best ways to entertain children
,
and prevent them Remove the comma
apply
to get
bored. Change preposition
from getting
This
method will persuade children
to enjoy their free time without annoying their parents
. So, their parents
can do their chores, and focus on their own routine. For instance
, my niece has different toys
like Lego to play with. It is not challenging for her to have me
time, Change the pronoun
my
while
my sister is cooking, or cleaning up. As a result
, parents
by
Change preposition
in
this
way not only can help their children
to become happy, but also
they will have more empty time for themselves.
In contrast
, having a huge amount of toys
in childhood will damage children
’s character. When parents
purchase new toys
for children
, they will get used to have
more and more of everything. Change the verb form
having
This
unstoppable desire will make a disaster in the future. For more explanation, my cousin’s teenage son who had luxurious toys
in his childhood, now is addicted to buying new clothes and shoes. It is obvious that by giving unlimited options, he believes that even now he can achieve anything he wants.
In conclusion, buying different toys
for children
can be helpful to entertain them without any difficulty. But, if this
accessibility was endless in their childhood it would be a dilemma to control their demands and expectations in the future.Submitted by afrough on
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Introduction Enhancement
Expand your introduction by providing a broader context or a brief explanation of why the issue is important, which can make your argument stronger from the beginning.
Examples Enrichment
Consider adding more specific, detailed examples to support your main points. While mentioning a niece and a cousin's teenage son are good starts, deeper details or a wider range of examples could strengthen your argument.
Coherence Improvement
To increase coherence, use a wider variety of transitional phrases and topic sentences that clearly indicate the shift from one idea to the next. This will improve the flow of your essay.
Conclusion Enhancement
In the conclusion, restate your thesis in a new way and consider summarizing the main points of both sides to reinforce your argument before presenting your final stance.
Task Response Improvement
Although the task achievement criterion demonstrates that you have responded to the task appropriately, for a higher score, ensure that you clearly address all parts of the prompt. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure, and explicitly relate them to the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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