IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

some people think that men and woman have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #woman #qualities #jobs #women
In recent times,
due to
 disparities in physical and mental strengths, many people believe that occupational suitability for
both
 genders
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 justifiable.
One
Change preposition
On one
show examples
 side, I personally agree with
this
 statement,
however
, it is not true for some cases which will be discussed below.
Firstly
,
both
 men and
women
 have distinguished traits in
both
 physical
capacify
Correct your spelling
capacity
 and mental
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
 which reason why some
jobs
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
 suitable for men and
women
. Especially, some
jobs
 require physical strength
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 prefer to choose
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
instead
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
For instance
, some
jobs
 like workers in construction, garage or firefighter.
In addition
.
women
 are
also
 thought to be more suitable for certain
jobs
such
 as nurse,
kindergarner
Correct your spelling
kindergartner
kindergarten
,....
due to
 their charming,
patienve
Correct your spelling
patience
patient
 and carefulness.
However
, in modern society now,
both
 males and females
also
 fairly have
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to look for their favorite
jobs
 in the job market.
While
 some
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 used to be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unsuitable for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 or
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in the past, these are open for
both
 genders right now.
For example
, in the up-to-date society, females can get
jobs
 in construction,
garage
Correct word choice
and garage
show examples
,... and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
also
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
 or
kidergarner
Correct your spelling
kindergartner
kindergarten
. In conclusion, it is true for the aforementioned disparities in job selection, I believe that men and
women
 at the moment are fair in terms of
such
 an aspect of finding
jobs
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Aim to clarify and expound on your main ideas with more specific examples. While you have provided examples, deeper analysis or more varied examples could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow throughout your text. The transition between paragraphs can be improved by using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'capacify,' 'healths,' 'patienve,' 'kidergarner,' 'up-to-date society.' Correct spelling and grammar are crucial for coherence and overall professionalism.
task achievement
Consider offering a more nuanced argument that acknowledges complexity within this topic. For example, discussing why these stereotypes exist and how societal changes are affecting job suitability could enrich your response.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: