IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that communication skill is important in convincing people while others have a different point of view. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #skill #point
The two pies illustrate online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. One of the key changes over
this
 decade is that people started to read books and watch films much more in comparison with 2003, the first from them increased from 19% to 22% and the second increased from 21% to 33 %. Another general change is that new
zealanders
Change the capitalization
Zealanders
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 have begun to buy
less
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fewer
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 clothes and travel items, looking at the pies, I suppose that they
start
Wrong verb form
have started
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 to spend more time at home
with
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apply
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watching interesting films, reading exciting books and less on the streets with each other in 2013 than in 2003. Demand
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for
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on
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for
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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clothes fell from 24% to 16% and it fell
Change preposition
for
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on
Change preposition
for
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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travel items from 36% to 29%, that
can prove
Wrong verb form
proves
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 my words.
Overall
then
, it can be said that the two
pies
Change the noun form
pie
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 charts show that New Zealand residents began to buy more things for
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 time
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 at home and
less
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fewer
show examples
 things for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 and for walking on the streets. (158 words)
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Clarify your position clearly in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion to provide a full response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the organization of your essay by using clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words to better connect ideas and transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Give more specific examples to support your points, ensuring they're directly related to the task question.
task achievement
Clearly differentiate your views from others if comparing viewpoints, especially when the task involves discussion of varying opinions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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