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Writing Samples
Band 4

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The best thing to teach
children
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 to collaborate is playing
group
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sports
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 as a
team
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 at
school
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. I personally agree with the statement but many things to teach at
school
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both
perpectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 before presenting my own viewpoint in the impending paragraph.
School
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 is a place for
children
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 to study, play and meet many friends. Many
lesson
Change to a plural noun
lessons
show examples
 we will get from
school
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, not only from
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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at
Change preposition
in
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class
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 but
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sports
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from sports
show examples
. Cooperate taught us to discuss with many
people
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 and
then
Linking Words
 make a decision with a
group
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
ask
Change the verb form
asks
show examples
 the student to make a paper or presentation related
viral
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to viral
show examples
 news with a
group
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 which
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
four
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of four
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Every
group
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 should choose
one
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person
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 as a leader,
one
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person
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 as a secretary and
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 as a
persentation
Correct your spelling
presentation
 maker. Each
peoples
Change to a singular noun
people
show examples
 would
giving
Change the verb form
give
be giving
show examples
 some opinion
appropiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 to the theme, showing some
briliant
Correct your spelling
brilliant
 ideas and pointing
the
Change preposition
out the
show examples
 best idea to present. After that, they would make a presentation and practice it together.
Then
Linking Words
, they will present the result in front of the
class
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 and the teacher
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 give the score as a
team
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. It would increase coordination and
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team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 significantly.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, the reality are many
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 involved
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 a presentation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, playing as a
team
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 sport is
the other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 great example
for
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of
show examples
 teaching
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, playing a basketball. The
sports
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 need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teamwork as well,
one
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person
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 as a guard,
one
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person
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 as a shooter and
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 as
Correct article usage
a forwarders
show examples
forwarders
Fix the agreement mistake
forwarder
show examples
 and a center. The
people
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 who
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
 as a
team
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 are the best
people
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 who
has
Wrong verb form
have gone
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 through all the
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, all players would show their own
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
 and many
people
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 witness the game. It is totally illustrated that
group
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sports
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 as the best way to teach
children
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 to cooperate at
school
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 In conclusion, many ways to teach
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to collaborate at
school
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 doing homework as a
group
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 in the
class
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 and playing
team
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sports
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 outside the
class
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.
However
Linking Words
,
group
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sports
Use synonyms
 would
making
Change the verb form
make
be making
show examples
 a high impact to teach
children
Use synonyms
 about teamwork.

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task achievement
To improve in task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question being asked. It is also essential to develop your arguments more thoroughly, providing a balanced discussion of both sides if the question asks for it. Your opinion should be clear throughout the essay and explicitly stated in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, use a clear and logical structure for your essay. Start with an introductory paragraph that outlines your main points, followed by body paragraphs that explore these points in detail, and conclude with a summary of your argument. Link sentences and paragraphs together using cohesive devices effectively (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms).
coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, each paragraph should explore a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the idea of each paragraph, support it with explanations or examples, and conclude each paragraph by linking back to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are effective. The introduction should provide an overview of your position concerning the topic, while the conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your opinion more forcefully, without introducing new ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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