Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

#people #areas #cities

Nowadays, many citizens from

countryside

Add an article

the countryside

show examples

are migrating to the town. Some people have various

motivation

Fix the agreement mistake

motivations

show examples

to move their home from the village to the metropolitan

area

. In

this

essay, I will explain the cause of

this

issue and the explanation to solve

this

problem.

Firstly

, Urban

area

has better healthcare and education

center

Fix the agreement mistake

centers

show examples

rather than rural

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

Furthermore

hospital

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hospitals

show examples

with advanced equipment and many competent doctors can be found in the big city.

School

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Schools

show examples

with good facilities and

university

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universities

show examples

are rarely to be found in

countryside

Add an article

the countryside

show examples

. To fix

this

problem,

government

need to build more health and education facilities in rural

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

show examples

that,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

need to give more

incentive

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incentives

show examples

to doctors and teachers in rural

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

to improve their quality of life.

Secondly

, many job

opportunity

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opportunities

show examples

with good

salary

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salaries

show examples

can be found in the cities.

Consequently

, many people in

village

Add an article

the village

show examples

have

temptation

Correct article usage

the temptation

show examples

moving

Change the verb form

to move

show examples

to the town and leave their

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

in the rural

area

for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

in the metropolitan

area

. To answer

this

problem,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

need to

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

cooperation

Replace the word

cooperate

show examples

with local

bussinessman

Correct your spelling

businessman

businessmen

to create many jobs in rural

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

For

this

reason,

bussinessman

Correct your spelling

businessman

businessmen

can attract people to stay in the countryside and the villagers can be satisfied with the job

opportunity

without moving to the city. In conclusion, the

opportunity

to have a better

live

Replace the word

life

show examples

attract

Correct subject-verb agreement

attracts

show examples

every

persons

Change to a singular noun

person

show examples

in rural

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

to moving their home to the city.

Government

Correct article usage

The government

show examples

need to work harder

for making

Change preposition

to make

show examples

the population both in cities and villages have

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

education, health, and workforce.

Submitted by hafidhfikri.rasyid on Wed Feb 21 2024

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Task Response

To strengthen your task response, you should ensure that your essay directly addresses all aspects of the prompt. While you have covered problems and solutions, make it a point to delve deeper by providing more varied examples and elaborating further on each one.

Coherence

Enhance coherence by creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved through the use of linking phrases and more varied sentence structures. It will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.

Cohesion

Make sure your essay maintains cohesion by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help achieve this. Additionally, try to connect your ideas more clearly to the thesis statement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicss both view and give our opinion

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers’ money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

in somes areas of US, Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night. Do you argree or disargree