Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?
Nowadays, many citizens from
countryside
are migrating to the town. Some people have various Add an article
the countryside
motivation
to move their home from the village to the metropolitan Fix the agreement mistake
motivations
area
. In this
essay, I will explain the cause of this
issue and the explanation to solve this
problem.
Firstly
, Urban area
has better healthcare and education center
rather than rural Fix the agreement mistake
centers
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Furthermore
, hospital
with advanced equipment and many competent doctors can be found in the big city. Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
School
with good facilities and Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
university
are rarely to be found in Fix the agreement mistake
universities
countryside
. To fix Add an article
the countryside
this
problem, government
need to build more health and education facilities in rural area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Beside
that, Replace the word
Besides
government
need to give more Add an article
the government
incentive
to doctors and teachers in rural Fix the agreement mistake
incentives
area
to improve their quality of life.
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Secondly
, many job opportunity
with good Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
salary
can be found in the cities. Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
Consequently
, many people in village
have Add an article
the village
temptation
Correct article usage
the temptation
moving
to the town and leave their Change the verb form
to move
home
in the rural Fix the agreement mistake
homes
area
for the
better Correct article usage
apply
job
in the metropolitan Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
area
. To answer this
problem, government
need to Add an article
the government
make
Verb problem
apply
cooperation
with local Replace the word
cooperate
bussinessman
to create many jobs in rural Correct your spelling
businessman
businessmen
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
For
this
reason, bussinessman
can attract people to stay in the countryside and the villagers can be satisfied with the job Correct your spelling
businessman
businessmen
opportunity
without moving to the city.
In conclusion, the opportunity
to have a better live
Replace the word
life
attract
every Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
persons
in rural Change to a singular noun
person
area
to moving their home to the city. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Government
need to work harder Correct article usage
The government
for making
the population both in cities and villages have Change preposition
to make
a
same Correct article usage
the
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
on
education, health, and workforce.Change preposition
for
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Task Response
To strengthen your task response, you should ensure that your essay directly addresses all aspects of the prompt. While you have covered problems and solutions, make it a point to delve deeper by providing more varied examples and elaborating further on each one.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved through the use of linking phrases and more varied sentence structures. It will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
Cohesion
Make sure your essay maintains cohesion by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help achieve this. Additionally, try to connect your ideas more clearly to the thesis statement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example