Many people from rural areas moving to the cities. What problem can this cause? What can be solutions?

Nowadays, many citizens from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
are migrating to the town. Some people have various
motivation
Fix the agreement mistake
motivations
show examples
to move their home from the village to the metropolitan
area
. In
this
essay, I will explain the cause of
this
issue and the explanation to solve
this
problem.
Firstly
, Urban
area
has better healthcare and education
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
rather than rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
with advanced equipment and many competent doctors can be found in the big city.
School
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Schools
show examples
with good facilities and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
are rarely to be found in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. To fix
this
problem,
government
need to build more health and education facilities in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
that,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
need to give more
incentive
Fix the agreement mistake
incentives
show examples
to doctors and teachers in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
to improve their quality of life.
Secondly
, many job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
with good
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
can be found in the cities.
Consequently
, many people in
village
Add an article
the village
show examples
have
temptation
Correct article usage
the temptation
show examples
moving
Change the verb form
to move
show examples
to the town and leave their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
in the rural
area
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in the metropolitan
area
. To answer
this
problem,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
need to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
with local
bussinessman
Correct your spelling
businessman
businessmen
to create many jobs in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
For
this
reason,
bussinessman
Correct your spelling
businessman
businessmen
can attract people to stay in the countryside and the villagers can be satisfied with the job
opportunity
without moving to the city. In conclusion, the
opportunity
to have a better
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
every
persons
Change to a singular noun
person
show examples
in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
to moving their home to the city.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
need to work harder
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
the population both in cities and villages have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
education, health, and workforce.
Submitted by hafidhfikri.rasyid on

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Task Response
To strengthen your task response, you should ensure that your essay directly addresses all aspects of the prompt. While you have covered problems and solutions, make it a point to delve deeper by providing more varied examples and elaborating further on each one.
Coherence
Enhance coherence by creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be achieved through the use of linking phrases and more varied sentence structures. It will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
Cohesion
Make sure your essay maintains cohesion by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help achieve this. Additionally, try to connect your ideas more clearly to the thesis statement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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