IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays computer education is compulsory for learners in most schools. Do you think it is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their day interaction with technology everywhere? Discuss both and give your opinion.

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In the contemporary epoch, a part of society believes that scholars should be provided
technological
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with technological
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 education in schools.
While
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,
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apply
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 others say that they can achieve
computer
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 skills naturally when they start using them physically. I wholeheartedly agree with the first notion because
computer
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 usage, not only has benefits but
also
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 has some drawbacks.
Therefore
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,
a
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apply
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proper guidance is necessary from the superiors. The primary reason behind the first testimonial is that
computer
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 language should be included as a subject in schools because society is developing at a relentless rate,
due to
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 which more and more technical personnel will be acquired in future.
Thus
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, it is essential that juveniles should study
this
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 subject properly in learning institutions and they should be taught about its pros and cons accurately so, that they should be able to choose the right trajectory.
For instance
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, Scientists are giving importance to the development of robots to replace humans doing
heavy load
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heavy-load
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 tasks.
Hence
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, more technical staff is needed
due to
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 which computers must be taught to children in the institutions. On the flip side, when tutees learn by themselves without any espouse, they are able to explore more innovative ideas. If children start learning computers at a young age on their own,
this
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 will help in the mental growth of peers as they can hone their skills. It helps them to discover the implicit faith in their capabilities.
For example
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, Albert Einstein
,
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never went to school, but he had excellent
computer
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 skills and he was the founder of the electric bulb.
To conclude
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,
although
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 gaining
computer
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 knowledge individually has its benefits, it is better to take
computer
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 classes at schools because that helps students to identify between the wrong and right uses of
computer
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 technology.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. You've done well in providing a stance, but clarifying your position in relation to the prompt at the beginning could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples. While examples like the development of robots are relevant, tying them back more explicitly to the necessity of computer education in schools could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use connecting words and phrases to improve the clarity of the relationship between ideas. Your essay shows good structure, but focusing on smoother transitions could enhance readability.
task achievement
To improve the explanation of opposing viewpoints, acknowledge the counter-argument more thoroughly before presenting your rebuttal. This adds depth to your discussion and showcases your ability to engage with multiple perspectives.
task achievement
Revisit historical accuracy and relevancy of examples. Albert Einstein, for example, is misidentified as the founder of the electric bulb, which may distract from the credibility of your argument. Accurate examples strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and word choice to maintain academic tone and precision. While your essay demonstrates a good command of language, refining these aspects can lead to a higher score.
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