IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the contemporary
world
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, more and more discoveries have been made. Some of them touch our lives, absolutely differing from the simple lifestyle, advancing the quality of life,
while
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 others are meaningless inventions that sometimes can be destructive. The objective of
this
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 essay is to examine both essential purposes of
science
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,
with
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apply
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agreeing that study not only needs to refine the
world
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 but
also
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 to learn something new. First and foremost, there are a lot of examples of the beneficial impact of
science
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. Despite a myriad of other
researches
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research
show examples
, technologies that turned over our
world
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 cannot be overlooked.
For instance
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, mobile phones, which gave us access to the
world
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 web, supersonic connection with other people
on
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over
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 large distances, and
the
Correct article usage
a
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 novel way of leisure and entertainment.
In addition
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, the major idea of
science
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 in the amelioration of society can be concluded on the basis that some breakthrough technologies had a dreadful effect on the lives of individuals.
For example
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, the creation of nuclear weapons or guns can clearly show the capabilities of
science
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 in
destruction
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the destruction
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 that needs to be involved in a more peaceful way.
On the other hand
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, life improvement is not only the
last
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 purpose of
science
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. Undoubtedly, discoveries may not have a material or any other effect on humankind. Sometimes, the main objective is to examine something new that may cost millions of dollars
,
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apply
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 but to reply to the questions of the universe that people have asked since infancy.
Moreover
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, the detrimental impact of weapons that were mentioned before is perhaps exaggerated.
According to
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 a survey
of
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by
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 Cambridge University, the number of people dead in wars decreased tenfold after the creation of nuclear weapons.
To sum up
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, the chief target of
science
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 can be defined dissimilarly
due to
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 the vastness of these areas.
However
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, I personally think that there is not one aim of
science
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; it can not only improve existence but
also
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 other crucial things to do, like knowing exceptional data.

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task response
The introduction of the essay is clear but can be more concise. Aim to present a more straightforward thesis statement to guide the reader more effectively. For instance, briefly state whether you agree or disagree and the primary reasons for your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and maintains a tight focus on a single idea. For example, the second paragraph discusses both positive and negative impacts without a clear transition.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are overly complex and can be simplified for better readability. For instance, 'Despite a myriad of other researches, technologies that turned over our world cannot be overlooked.' can be rephrased to 'Among many scientific achievements, technological advancements have significantly impacted our daily lives.'
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and concrete.
task response
The essay provides a balanced perspective by exploring both the beneficial and potential negative aspects of scientific discoveries.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s stance, providing closure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The writer uses a range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures, demonstrating a good command of the English language.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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