IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary
world
Use synonyms
, more and more discoveries have been made. Some of them touch our lives, absolutely differing from the simple lifestyle, advancing the quality of life,
while
Linking Words
 others are meaningless inventions that sometimes can be destructive. The objective of
this
Linking Words
 essay is to examine both essential purposes of
science
Use synonyms
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agreeing that study not only needs to refine the
world
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 to learn something new. First and foremost, there are a lot of examples of the beneficial impact of
science
Use synonyms
. Despite a myriad of other
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, technologies that turned over our
world
Use synonyms
 cannot be overlooked.
For instance
Linking Words
, mobile phones, which gave us access to the
world
Use synonyms
 web, supersonic connection with other people
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 large distances, and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 novel way of leisure and entertainment.
In addition
Linking Words
, the major idea of
science
Use synonyms
 in the amelioration of society can be concluded on the basis that some breakthrough technologies had a dreadful effect on the lives of individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, the creation of nuclear weapons or guns can clearly show the capabilities of
science
Use synonyms
 in
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
show examples
 that needs to be involved in a more peaceful way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, life improvement is not only the
last
Linking Words
 purpose of
science
Use synonyms
. Undoubtedly, discoveries may not have a material or any other effect on humankind. Sometimes, the main objective is to examine something new that may cost millions of dollars
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but to reply to the questions of the universe that people have asked since infancy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the detrimental impact of weapons that were mentioned before is perhaps exaggerated.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Cambridge University, the number of people dead in wars decreased tenfold after the creation of nuclear weapons.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the chief target of
science
Use synonyms
 can be defined dissimilarly
due to
Linking Words
 the vastness of these areas.
However
Linking Words
, I personally think that there is not one aim of
science
Use synonyms
; it can not only improve existence but
also
Linking Words
 other crucial things to do, like knowing exceptional data.
Submitted by adilbek300108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The introduction of the essay is clear but can be more concise. Aim to present a more straightforward thesis statement to guide the reader more effectively. For instance, briefly state whether you agree or disagree and the primary reasons for your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and maintains a tight focus on a single idea. For example, the second paragraph discusses both positive and negative impacts without a clear transition.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are overly complex and can be simplified for better readability. For instance, 'Despite a myriad of other researches, technologies that turned over our world cannot be overlooked.' can be rephrased to 'Among many scientific achievements, technological advancements have significantly impacted our daily lives.'
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and concrete.
task response
The essay provides a balanced perspective by exploring both the beneficial and potential negative aspects of scientific discoveries.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s stance, providing closure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The writer uses a range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures, demonstrating a good command of the English language.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: