IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #products #development
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At present time ,some
companies
 advertise their new
products
 to showcase the function of
products
 to attract customers.In
this
 essay, I will explain both sides of perspectives and
overall
 my opinion . On the one hand , some
companies
 hold conferences to launch their new
products
 .To explain ,smartphone
companies
 spend a
lot
 of
money
 advertising their new
products
 to introduce the function of the
products
 to show it to the user. Recent research conducted by Suhar University shows that 95% of
companies
 that advertise their
products
 make a
lot
 of
money
 from sales.
Therefore
, all
companies
 should make
advertises
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 for their goods,to display the device's advantages and disadvantages to the buyer .
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages to making advertisements for some
companies
.
For example
 , many organisations spend a
lot
 of
money
 to present their
products
 and the sales of
products
 are low.To explain ,some businesses produce a poor item
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has a
lot
 of flaws and they
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 try to improve their
products
 to reduce their sales. In conclusion, advertising can help the company to be more famous around the world and compete with other
companies
while
 the
companies
 that expend a
lot
 of
money
 on ads rather than
upgrad
Correct your spelling
upgrading
 their goods will lose their client in the future.
Submitted by safia-93s on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the essay’s aim and your stance. A thesis statement can help clarify your position.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully with more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Aim to provide at least one detailed example per main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve readability. Proper punctuation and careful proofreading can make a significant difference.
coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraph structure. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
What to do next:
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