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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about which type of
roads
 should get more financial support from the government.
While
 some
people
 claim that it has to be railway systems, there are those who
p[[pse
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
this
 view, pointing
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
roads
' importance.
This
 paper will attempt to examine both sides of the argument. The railways in
people
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 may seem like an old-fashioned way of transportation,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it still has some undeniable advantages. First of all, transportation of products through
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 is cheaper and faster. The trains today use very small amount of fuel,
whereas
 some of them work
due to
 electricity, which
let
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 them to be the fastest transport, except the planes.
Secondly
, the risk of an accident is minimized, thanks to
approved
Correct article usage
an approved
show examples
 system, used for years.
Thridly
Correct your spelling
Thirdly
, the development of
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 system leads to the improvement of small towns and
regions
 by providing workplaces for local
people
. The best example is Japan, where the train is the fastest and the cheapest variant to travel around the country,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not only to big cities with airports
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but to
regions
. At the same time, the
roads
, which are used daily by millions of
people
 must be repaired by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 on a regular basis. These ways connect not only stations
,
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apply
show examples
 but streets and housings. The quality of
roads
 in the
city
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the traffic
conjestion
Correct your spelling
congestion
 and air pollution in the
city
,
that is
 why the better the
roads
 and their structure, the easier the life of the citizens.
Additionally
, the
roads
 are easier to build, so every
region
Replace the word
regional
show examples
 citizen will have
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to drive to the
city
 daily, which can help the future development of the
city
's economy. On the other side,
people
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 may travel to the
regions
Fix the agreement mistake
region
show examples
 and provide financial aid to the region's tourism. I think
,
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apply
show examples
 the best example is Rodina town in
Kostanay
Correct article usage
the Kostanay
show examples
 region.
People
 spend an hour to get there, to buy groceries and visit cultural centres. In conclusion, I think both types of
roads
 must get financial support from the
govermnent
Correct your spelling
government
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they develop
regions
'
economics
Correct your spelling
economies
show examples
 and hundreds of
people
 use them daily.
Submitted by dasha.20032854 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic to guide the reader on what to expect. It's beneficial to paraphrase the prompt for clarity and present a thesis statement that reflects your stance, even if you believe in a balanced approach.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. While you have used some effectively, varying these can enhance readability and coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
When presenting arguments for both sides, it's crucial to maintain a balance in the development of each. Ensuring each viewpoint has equal elaboration and depth of analysis will strengthen your argument's persuasiveness and coherence.
Task Achievement
Carefully proofread to correct spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'thridly' (thirdly) and 'conjestion' (congestion). These mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism and readability of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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