IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.

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Governments are too sensitive to attention-grabbing tragedies like earthquakes and floods,
while
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 some opponents believe that they are not important in comparison with obstacles around our neighbourhoods. Actually, they do not know those
disasters
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 cause mass killings. Allocating a budget, and resources to increase the public knowledge about different actions during these kinds of
disasters
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 can save lots of lives. Because they are considered serious threats and will kill lots of
people
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.
For instance
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, in the
last
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 year, a huge earthquake happened in Turkey. Unfortunately, the number of
people
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 who were hurt was high
due to
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 a lack of knowledge.
As a result
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, if the government tried to teach them so many
people
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 would be alive today.
Additionally
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, when a disaster heats a country with weak infrastructure, for sure, the damage will be huge.
Therefore
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, authorities should spend an adequate amount of money to renew, and rebuild cities to save
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives.
For example
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, Japan is an obvious sample that shows how much giving attention to these events is crucial. Every year, they face severe earthquakes with no damage because all buildings in
this
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 area are built floating. So they will not be devastated during
disasters
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. In
this
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 case, not only government’s attention will prevent
people
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 from dying, but
also
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 they can make secure and safe places for their population. In conclusion, there is no doubt that in our living areas, there would be lots of threats, but big
disasters
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 will make more dangerous situations. So, it is vital to persuade governments to use their resources to make
people
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 more knowledgeable about how they should act in these times.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to make your argument more structured and easy to follow. Your essay has these elements, but making the distinctions clearer would improve coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Providing more detailed explanations and diversifying your examples could make your arguments more convincing and your essay richer.
Coherence & Cohesion
Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. This will improve the logical progression of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider both sides of the argument to provide a more comprehensive response. This will not only show an understanding of the complexity of the issue but also enrich your essay.
Task Achievement
Be specific in your examples and ensure they directly support the argument you are making. While you have done this, further specificity could strengthen your essay.
General
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary diversity to achieve a more polished and professional final piece. Focusing on this will also help improve your score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • headline-grabbing
  • disasters
  • natural disasters
  • media coverage
  • sensationalism
  • local issues
  • funding
  • executive resources
  • resource allocation
  • risk awareness
  • domestic fires
  • road safety
  • food storage
  • education initiatives
  • community engagement
  • local government
  • immediate disaster relief
  • long-term benefits
  • local risk mitigation
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