Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.

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Governments are too sensitive to attention-grabbing tragedies like earthquakes and floods,

while

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some opponents believe that they are not important in comparison with obstacles around our neighbourhoods. Actually, they do not know those

disasters

Use synonyms

cause mass killings. Allocating a budget, and resources to increase the public knowledge about different actions during these kinds of

disasters

Use synonyms

can save lots of lives. Because they are considered serious threats and will kill lots of

people

Use synonyms

For instance

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, in the

last

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year, a huge earthquake happened in Turkey. Unfortunately, the number of

people

Use synonyms

who were hurt was high

due to

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a lack of knowledge.

As a result

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, if the government tried to teach them so many

people

Use synonyms

would be alive today.

Additionally

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, when a disaster heats a country with weak infrastructure, for sure, the damage will be huge.

Therefore

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, authorities should spend an adequate amount of money to renew, and rebuild cities to save

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lives.

For example

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, Japan is an obvious sample that shows how much giving attention to these events is crucial. Every year, they face severe earthquakes with no damage because all buildings in

this

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area are built floating. So they will not be devastated during

disasters

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. In

this

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case, not only government’s attention will prevent

people

Use synonyms

from dying, but

also

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they can make secure and safe places for their population. In conclusion, there is no doubt that in our living areas, there would be lots of threats, but big

disasters

Use synonyms

will make more dangerous situations. So, it is vital to persuade governments to use their resources to make

people

Use synonyms

more knowledgeable about how they should act in these times.

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to make your argument more structured and easy to follow. Your essay has these elements, but making the distinctions clearer would improve coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

Develop your main points more thoroughly. Providing more detailed explanations and diversifying your examples could make your arguments more convincing and your essay richer.

Coherence & Cohesion

Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. This will improve the logical progression of your ideas.

Task Achievement

Consider both sides of the argument to provide a more comprehensive response. This will not only show an understanding of the complexity of the issue but also enrich your essay.

Task Achievement

Be specific in your examples and ensure they directly support the argument you are making. While you have done this, further specificity could strengthen your essay.

General

Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary diversity to achieve a more polished and professional final piece. Focusing on this will also help improve your score.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

headline-grabbing
disasters
natural disasters
media coverage
sensationalism
local issues
funding
executive resources
resource allocation
risk awareness
domestic fires
road safety
food storage
education initiatives
community engagement
local government
immediate disaster relief
long-term benefits
local risk mitigation

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Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion