You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, the spread of new ways of communication using technology changed the relationships between
people
, it is discussed whether in a better way or not. Surely modern mobile phones have shortened the physical distance between people
, but also
have moved the focus on the online world instead
of the real one. This
essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of this
question.
First of all, the invention of social media and the internet has improved how to keep connections and meet other people
. Indeed, using the World Wide Web and all modern technologies has allowed people
to contact others all around the globe, without distance being an obstacle to relationships. For example
, many employees could be used to travel around very often due to
their jobs and videocalls make it easier for them to keep in touch with their families and friends. Furthermore
, creating new friendships and meeting people
is now accessible to everyone using only their smartphone and some apps. This
could lead to unexpected encounters linking together individuals who may not have had the chance to bump into each other.
On the other hand
, being absorbed into a virtual reality results in losing the real moments and values of life. This
is due to
the fact that being online is addicting, taking all the free time during everyday life. For instance
, it is common to prefer scrolling through your profile after a long day of work than going for a walk or enjoying the little things provided to us by nature. To go on, abusing social media could lead to a dramatic change of values, leading to an appearance-based society where all that matters is how someone or something looks.
In conclusion, recent technologies allowed us to break the space and time barriers between populations, however
, led to the creation of an alternative universe that could divert our minds. In my view, all these inventions kept individuals closer than ever, but they have to be used in moderation, not becoming the centre of our lives.Submitted by matilderestelli.work on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using more connective phrases and sentences.
coherence cohesion
To enhance the cohesiveness of your essay, focus on linking ideas more fluidly within and between paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases will help in improving the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have responded well to the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion. Try to provide more detailed and diverse examples to support your points. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
task achievement
To make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, elaborate on points with additional explanations or examples. This will help in presenting a more thorough discussion of each viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have successfully included both viewpoints as requested by the task, showing a balanced discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?