IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

There is no denying the fact that rural individuals are moving to cities around the world.
While
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 it is commonly belief that moving can be positive or negative progress, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, l consider it to be a negative development for
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
a crowd
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, there will be many businesses that will lose their money
due to
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 everyone moving out of the countryside.
In other words
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, unlike the cities, towns with businesses be will incapable of surviving
due to
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 low or decline in population.
In addition
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,
this
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 will not help people with jobs because of the negative impact.
For example
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, if we see the stories of not having many customers, the place has to close
as a result
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 of low society. Another point to consider,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of rural cultures will increase
as well as
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 the number of people. It is
also
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 possible to say that traditions will not be followed as they used to be which will dismal situation.
For example
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, one tradition is that everyone will go to one home and gather together but with society leaving
this
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 will lose it is impact.
Moreover
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, there will be no growth on the other side.
For instance
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, getting married or finding someone will be hard that's why
this
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 trend will increase. In conclusion, despite people having different views, l believe that will leave a huge negative impact and loss it is public which can affect the older families living in the towns. We should support the towns by donating more money and taking into account everyone there.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly but could benefit from a more precise thesis statement that outlines your main points. Consider rephrasing the sentence for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The main points in the body paragraphs need more development and links between them. Transition phrases can help guide the reader through your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant to your arguments, but enhancing their specificity and detail will make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
You touch upon important aspects of the rural to urban migration issue, such as cultural loss and economic challenges, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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