IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Governments should spend more on railroads than on roads. Agree or disagree?

#governments #railroads #roads
Some people claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government funds should be allocated
in
Change preposition
to
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 creating additional railways
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
roads
. In my opinion, I completely agree that
Correct article usage
the railroad
show examples
railroad
Correct article usage
the railroad
show examples
 has greater benefits in solving
traffic
 congestion and economic growth compared to
roads
. Some may argue that
roads
 are more accessible and flexible as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 access to remote areas and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
connects
Correct subject-verb agreement
connect
show examples
 various destinations directly, allowing for more efficient door-to-door transportation.
Although
 it offers more flexibility and accessibility, the positive impacts of railroads will
lasts
Change the verb form
last
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 long term.
To begin
, it will help the problem
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
traffic
 congestion. It is an effective way of transportation without congesting the highways.
Moreover
,
traffic
 is one of the causes of the environmental problems in the world,
such
 as air pollution, gas emissions, and increased fuel consumption. Creating railways will help decrease these problems, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
show examples
 less carbon emission and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can carry mass transportation decreasing the need for individual cars on the road.
In addition
 to decreasing
traffic
 congestion, it
also
 helps with the economic growth. Rail projects can create jobs in
constructing
Replace the word
construction
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. And it
also
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 workers for its operation and maintenance.
Furthermore
, businesses will be able to transport their goods and services more efficiently, and
this
 could lead to increased production.
Also
, the transaction cost is lower as it can transport large
volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
show examples
 of goods.
Thus
, it can help decrease the price of the products.
Therefore
, it will not only improve the local economy but the whole nation. In conclusion, I believe that the government should prioritize train transit over
roads
 as it will not only help solve
traffic
 jams but
also
 boost the
overall
 economy.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in 'Task Achievement', focus on providing a more nuanced argument. This could involve acknowledging counterarguments in more depth and providing specific, detailed examples to support your points. Try to ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
For 'Coherence and Cohesion', work on the logical flow and connection of ideas throughout your essay. Use a range of cohesive devices to clearly link your ideas and paragraphs. Also, consider varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable option
  • traffic congestion
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • public transportation
  • equitable access
  • economic development
  • connectivity
  • tourism
  • wear and tear
  • vehicular traffic
  • cost savings
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