Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?
Some people claim that
the
government funds should not be wasted on arts, Correct article usage
apply
instead
, the money can be used in
other important things. I agree with Change preposition
for
this
statement because the
government officials can use the money in solving social issues Correct article usage
apply
such
as education
, infrastructure and unemployment.
One of the prevailing problems in the
society today is Correct article usage
apply
lack
of Correct article usage
the lack
education
. Rather than investing in arts, government funds can be allocated in
enhancing the Change preposition
to
education
system of the country. For example
, it can be used in building science and computer laboratories in public schools. With this
, students will be able to develop and enhance their skills. This
is very beneficial in today's world as the fields in
science and technology Change preposition
of
is
growing rapidly. Change the verb form
are
As a result
, students will be more globally competent.
In addition
to that, the budget can also
be redistributed in
funding infrastructure projects, Change preposition
to
such
as public transportation. Improving the public transport sectors can help decrease the
traffic congestion, Correct article usage
apply
as well as
the
carbon gas emissions, and it will create job opportunities. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, unemployment
problem could Correct article usage
the unemployment
also
be addressed by promoting vocational training programs in order to enhance and provide practical skills to people. This
initiative can create pathways to in-demand skills. Thus
, it can promote economic growth.
In conclusion, though arts contribute to the culture of the
society, I believe that it is not the best way to utilize the taxpayer’s money. Rather, it can be used in solving the issues in the society Correct article usage
apply
such
as education
, infrastructure and unemployment.Submitted by yoko.onerom on
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Task Achievement
To further enhance your task achievement, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses different aspects of the prompt. While you have strong arguments, further elaboration on how the absence of government funding in the arts directly impacts society would provide a more balanced argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices beyond just 'In addition to that' and 'Moreover'. Experiment with phrases like 'Another critical area for consideration is' or 'Furthermore'. This variation will make your essay flow more naturally.
Task Achievement & Coherence & Cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, aim to succinctly paraphrase the prompt and clearly state your position. This practice is evident in your essay but can be improved by adding a more nuanced discussion of the opposing viewpoint, even if to refute it. This will not only demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic but also enhance your argument's persuasiveness.