IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

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Some people claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government funds should not be wasted on arts,
instead
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, the money can be used for other important things. I agree with
this
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 statement because government officials can use the money
in solving
Change preposition
to solve
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 social issues
such
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 as
education
Use synonyms
, infrastructure and unemployment. One of the prevailing problems in society today is the lack of
education
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. Rather than investing in arts, government funds can be allocated
in
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to
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 enhancing the
education
Use synonyms
 system of the country.
For example
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, it can be used in building science and computer laboratories in public schools. With
this
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, students will be able to develop and enhance their skills.
This
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 is very beneficial especially in today's world as the fields of science and technology are growing rapidly.
As a result
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, students will be more globally competent.
In addition
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 to that, the budget can
also
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 be redistributed to funding infrastructure projects,
such
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 as public transportation. Improving the public transport sectors can help decrease traffic congestion,
as well as
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 carbon gas emissions, and it will create job opportunities.
Furthermore
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, the unemployment problem could
also
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 be addressed by promoting vocational training programs in order to enhance and provide practical skills to people.
This
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 initiative can create pathways to in-demand skills.
Thus
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, it can promote economic growth. In conclusion, though arts contribute to the culture of society, I believe that it is not the best way to utilize the taxpayer’s money. Rather, it can be used
in
Change preposition
to
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 solving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant issues in
the
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apply
show examples
society
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Use synonyms
, infrastructure and unemployment.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the complexity of your sentences to enhance the sophistication of your arguments. Try varying your sentence structure more frequently and use a wider range of vocabulary.
Task Achievement
Expand upon your main points by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This will help to better support your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay remains focused on the prompt at all times. While it's good to provide detailed examples, make sure they directly support your stance on the government funding of arts versus other priorities.
Task Achievement
Consider counterarguments to provide a more balanced view. Acknowledging and refuting counterarguments can strengthen your position and show a deeper level of analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use cohesive devices effectively to create a better flow between your ideas. This includes transitions between paragraphs and within sentences to link ideas clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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