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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country.
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The line graph provides information about the openings and closing of shops in a particular
country
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in 2011, the figure of newly opened
stores
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 exceeded the number of shop closures,
while
Linking Words
 in 2018, a greater number of
stores
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 were shut down in the
country
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. In 2011, approximately 85,000 new branded outlets opened,
while
Linking Words
 62,000 shops were closed in the
country
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2012, the number decreased significantly but rose marginally in the next year, and accounted for
arroud
Correct your spelling
around
 6,000
newly
Change the word
new
show examples
 outelts.
However
Linking Words
, there was some fluctuation, but in 2018, around 3,000
stores
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 were freshly opened.
In contrast
Linking Words
, more
stores
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 were shut down in the
country
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. In 2015, around 9,000 shops were closed, and
this
Linking Words
 figure rose significantly in the following year, with approximately 5,000 closures.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the amount remained relatively stable between 2016 and 2017 but rose marginally in 2018, with a
further
Linking Words
 5,000 closures reported.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words country, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "marginally" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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