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Band 4.5

Tourism is becoming increasingly important and a source of income to many countries, but its disadvantages shouldn't be overlooked . to what extent do you agree or disagree

#tourism #source #income #countries #shouldn
Nowadays, touristry has been an upsurge of becoming important and inventorying of funding in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 countries, meanwhile, its drawbacks must not be neglected. I strongly agree with
this
 statement and I will define it in the following essay. On one side, travel brings advantages which can make sources of income in a country,
for example
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 hospitality industries around the touristry objects that can help the local people get employees
also
 create some businesses
such
 as restaurants, souvenir and local transport, These activities not only help their own family but
also
 impact to the country from its taxes.
However
, on the other side, it can be harmful
hence
, should not be overlooked. As we know the tourism sector involves some people from other countries
along with
 their own cultures or habits and
as a result
, there will be adjustments from the local people to the tourism culture.
For example
, in my country, we almost lost our own culture because we are influenced by tourists' culture and have made it a habit on a daily basis. In conclusion, tourism industries provide good income as there are international transactions but we cannot
be neglected
Wrong verb form
neglect
show examples
its disadvantages, which can destroy our mother countries that should be maintained for our new generation.
Submitted by NIPEACENE on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of your position, but it could be enhanced by paraphrasing the task more effectively and by presenting a clearly defined thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Make sure your essay addresses all parts of the task. While you mention advantages and disadvantages, expanding on how these balance or outweigh each other would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows an ability to logically order ideas and paragraphs. To improve, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show more explicit connections between ideas.
Task Achievement
Develop your body paragraphs further by providing more specific examples and analyses that directly support your argument. Avoid generalizations and aim for more depth in your explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more interesting to read.
General Advice
Carefully review your essay for minor grammar and spelling errors. While these are not significantly harming your message, eliminating them will present a more polished piece of writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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