Some people think that to ensure a happier society, there should be only a small difference in the earninings between the poorest and the richest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's world, there are many economic and mental health issues. Some folks suggest that to tackle these problems, there should be a policy in nations
which
the wealth of the poorest and the richest citizens have a little gap. I totally disagree with Change preposition
in which
this
statement, as it causes people
to lose their need to work hard and to eliminate their hopes for finantial
growth.
Correct your spelling
financial
Firstly
, small
difference between Add an article
the small
a small
salary
for all the groups of society makes Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
people
lose the will to try for better conditions. It makes them clinge
to their current unsuitable situation as their income will be as much as those who put their effort Correct your spelling
cling
clinging
clingy
to improve
their lives. Change preposition
into improving
For instance
, if the earnings of an unemployed and lazy person would be
as much as a doctor who spent years Wrong verb form
were
of
studying, he Change preposition
apply
will
never try to change and make a better life for himself. So Wrong verb form
would
it
should be a gap Correct pronoun usage
there
between
their income because it causes Change preposition
in
people
to gain mobility to work harder.
Secondly
, this
policy will make the
individuals feel hopeless about growing Correct article usage
apply
finantially
. They know that their salary will never rise from a certain limit to prevent widening the hole between the amount of earnings. So, at some Correct your spelling
financially
level
they stop putting effort because no matter how high they reach in their career, there would be no profits for them in it. Add a comma
level,
Hence
, there should be a growth in salaries due to
the stage of professionalism in careers so that people
feel encouraged to continue trying.
Overall
, I fully disagree with the policy that there should always be a small hole between the earnings of the poorest and the richest members of the
society. It removes the interest Correct article usage
apply
of
enhancing life conditions in citizens and it makes them stop trying Change preposition
in
for getting
better at their jobs because of the limit of their payments. It is recommended that we encourage Change preposition
to get
people
to work and learn professions to remove poverty.Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. However, to improve coherence, consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make the flow more natural.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened. A more nuanced thesis statement in the introduction and a more comprehensive summary in the conclusion could elevate your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally supported, but for higher marks, incorporate more detailed and specific examples. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more persuasive.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but to achieve a higher score, ensure that your response is more balanced by acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, even if you disagree with it. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are not only clear but also fully developed. Each paragraph could delve deeper into the argument with more precise rationale and examples. This makes your essay richer and more compelling.
task achievement
Incorporating a wider range of specific, relevant examples will enrich your essay and strengthen your arguments. Try to use examples that vary in scope and source, which can demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.