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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both views.

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A portion of guardians are of the opinion that learning mathematics at school is unnecessary and should not be a part of the foundational curriculum of the students.
While
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 others still believe that it is a relevant skill even if
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 might not be used in the future. Learning math
for
Change preposition
in
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 most parents' view is meaningless
,
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apply
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 because we have a lot of new technologies and programs designed to do mathematical solving for use. Like smartphones, calculators and computers which are readily available.
Similarly
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, it is a waste of time for scholars to learn
such
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 a complicated field if they might not be using it in the future. They can just allocate their time and effort to other studies they are interested in.
On the other hand
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, some guardians are still of the view that mathematics is still useful for learners in their daily lives.
For example
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, if students go out shopping he/she needs to know the concept of money. With an item on sale, they need to know the principle of percentage and when paying with a card the interest that comes with it. So with
this
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, they will have a financial understanding and will attain financial awareness.
Furthermore
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, knowing the basics will give them a good idea and foundation on how the field of study works. With knowledge, they can troubleshoot basic program malfunctions if they arise in the future.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the primary goal of most parents is to take out math because they think it is redundant. I am of the view that learning the
basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
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 and the fundamentals of the subject is still an important part of our life.

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure each paragraph has a logical flow and clear connection. Use a variety of linking phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Try to develop your points further with more specific and varied examples. Your examples are somewhat general and could be more impactful with more specificity.
task achievement
Be careful with generalizations and stereotypes. Rather than saying, 'for most parents' view,' consider saying, 'some parents believe' to avoid overgeneralization.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating a more formal and academic tone into your writing. Avoid colloquial expressions like 'he/she needs to know' for a more polished approach.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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