IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people believe that social networking websites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree?

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Many
people
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 argue that social networking sites
such
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 as Facebook have a severe negative impact on both individuals and society. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because various social
media
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 consume a significant amount of
time
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people
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 and reduce their productivity. Social networking sites have a negative impact on
people
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 because they consume a large amount of valuable
time
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 of
people
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.
People
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 spend around 6 to 7 hours on social
media
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 in a day, which just kills their valuable
time
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. If they can invest that
time
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 in some productive work, they will make some progress in all aspects of their lives.
For example
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, recent research tells that around 67% of
people
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 in Australia spend an average of 40 hours a week on social
media
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, which is huge, and
therefore
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, every week they have some pending work.
Moreover
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, social
media
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 negatively impacts the productivity of individuals. When an individual spends a lot of
time
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 on social
media
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, it distracts them.
As a result
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, after spending a huge amount of
time
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 on social
media
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, these individuals cannot focus properly on their work or daily activities. It severely impacts their performance in their workplaces and household tasks.
For example
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, many Chinese women, who are homemakers believe that if they concentrate much on social
media
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, they cannot focus on their household tasks. In conclusion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement that numerous social
media
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 are impacting
people
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 negatively because
people
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 waste their precious
time
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 on them, and they
also
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 decrease the productivity of
people
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on specific negative impacts of social networking as they relate to societal level, not just individuals. This could involve discussing societal issues like privacy concerns, misinformation, or impact on mental health.
coherence cohesion
Add logical connectors to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
You may want to add an example for the point on productivity decline, with data or a case study, to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the argument.
task achievement
The argument is well-structured with main points that support the thesis statement clearly.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and is relevant to the question, focusing on the negative impacts of social networking sites.
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