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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.
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There are two categories of information on visiting the Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
. One of them illustrates the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to the
museum
Use synonyms
 before and after renovation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the pie charts depict the result of surveys about the level of visitors’ contentment over the same two periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total number of visitors to Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 increased the
year
Use synonyms
 after refurbishment. It can be implied that the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who did not respond to questions remained unchanged.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the degree of dissatisfaction decreased considerably in the
year
Use synonyms
 after renovation operations.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the figures for
people
Use synonyms
 who were very dissatisfied declined slightly. In the
year
Use synonyms
 after refurbishment, the total number of goers to Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase of 18000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who were very satisfied rose substantially from 15% to 35% in the same
year
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, after renovation, the percentage of visitors who were dissatisfied and very dissatisfied fell by 25% and 5%, respectively. It is worth noting that the figure for no response
people
Use synonyms
 was equal to 5% after and before refurbishment.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, people, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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